Fulfilling the Law

1.

Ralph had been Catholic all 32 years of his life and was on his daily walk when he was struck by an eddy in the space/time continuum and found himself a glemmen or two sidewise in probability.  Not that he even noticed, a glemmen being relatively small.  Not so small as a fimp, that would have had him in an alternate universe so nearly the same as to be the difference between whether he had left two dimes and a nickel on the dresser before leaving or three nickels and a dime.

But neither was it so large as a dath, which would have had him swimming in a vast primordial ocean till he drowned looking for the only two mile square island peaking up over the endless waves some where around the area that he'd have thought of as the Bering Sea.

No, two glemmens, or there about, was going to be nothing too large.  But nothing too small, either. Medium-ish?  Guess it depends upon your perspective.

He stumble stepped, wondering what had disoriented him, but noticing nothing new or different continued on and forgot about it before he had reached the corner of the block.  He made it home - and it was his home - and kissed his wife - and she was his wife - and smiled at his son - and he, well, he was still not really his son, but he'd got used to that long ago.  Mostly.

He started getting ready for Mass, which he took his family to every Sunday, like clockwork.  As he had been took to Mass every Sunday as a child, like clockwork.  All his life.  And now all his son's life.  Well, all his wife's son's life.  Why had she done that, he wondered for the thousandth time.  Yes, he forgave her, and it never even came up any more, but that didn't stop him from thinking of it almost weekly.

"You ready for the orgy, dear?" he thought he heard his wife call from downstairs.  What!  What had she said?  He surely must have heard her wrong.  Hastily throwing his suit jacket on, he took the stairs down two at a time while adjusting his tie.

There his wife and the boy were sitting in the kitchen, he not dressed for church yet, she having removed her robe and wearing...and wearing...blushing, he turned sharply to James and said, "Get upstairs, now!"  At seeing no movement from the boy, just puzzlement, he took a step forward and barked, "Now!" which got a reaction. James, seven and sassy, had nothing to say this time but just ran upstairs and slammed his door.

Looking again at his wife, who was wearing a skimpy lace see-through negligee and a questioning look upon her face, he asked, "What in the name of God are you doing?"

"The orgy, dear", she started, "It's Sunday, remember?  We have to hurry or we'll be late!"  Giving him an even more questioning look, she asked, "But what are you doing dressed like that?  Cosplay is only for Wednesday Night Vespers!"

He stood gaping at her.  This must be something stress related.  Work.  His high blood pressure.  His ceaseless fretting about her infidelity with the FedEx driver 8 years ago.  Almost he fainted.  But he caught himself and sternly told himself to stop - he was tired of not being the man he liked to imagine himself!

He strode toward her, and the look on his contorted face must have been truly frightening, for she backed up and into the stove top behind her.  Glowering he reached out and grabbed her arm, hard, deliberately hard, and started with, "Look, you utter tramp, I forgave you once when you slept with the guy who fathered James, and that was more than I should have, but if you think this is funny or - " but she never learned what the "or" was, as she had clocked him with a cast iron skillet that she'd frantically grabbed from behind her.

Terrified as much as how quickly she'd knocked him unconscious as by his inexplicable attack, she called 911 at once.  And started crying, wondering what she'd tell James.  Or how she'd explain her absence at the orgy to her parish priest, a man known for his lack of tolerance of any improprieties.  Like missing orgies or beating hubbies, she thought inanely and let out a horrified giggle.

2.

Ralph came to groggily, mostly due to trying to scratch an itch with his right hand, and it not reaching his nose.  He tried to focus his eyes, and could start to make out that his hand was - handcuffed? - to the bed rail like in the cop shows.  Sitting next to his hospital bed was a bored looking young man, maybe not even 21, playing with this iPhone and dressed in that polyester fashion that screams "security guard" without even having to see the company patch on the shoulder.

"What...where...?" he mumbled out, and the guard sighed and put his phone in his shirt pocket.  Silently the guard reached over and hit the call button for the nurse and then sat back down.  "She'll be here in a minute, just take it easy."

"What happened?" Ralph asked.  "Well", the guard said, "You attacked your wife and she defended herself.  You also missed the orgy, which while yeah, Sabbath laws aren't enforced like in the old days still won't go over well with the judge."

Ralph shook his head, but winced as a fresh wave of nausea overcame him.  Don't move your head too quickly he thought.  Take it slow and easy.  Something was up, but what?  "What is this orgy, and why would it be something I'd take my wife to on a Sunday?" he managed to ask, even if nervously.  What a question, he thought, and wondered why the guard didn't react the way he'd have expected someone to react to such a question.

Looking concerned, the guard explained, "Buddy, she must have really got you good, glad she's not my wife to deal with!  She said it was like you didn't want to go to your Parish's Sunday Orgy, that you weren't even dressed for it.  When she told you that you were going to be late, she said you attacked her."  He stopped, looking for all the world like he believed such an explanation was rational and meant something.

Ralph dropped his head wept.

The nurse came in and shot a dark look at the guard, as if it were his fault for Ralph's crying.  The guard got a "Who me?" expression on his face and folded his arms defensively.  "Hey, I just told him how he got here, he's not been convicted of nothing yet!" he grumbled.  Ignoring him, and the double negative, the nurse started touching the bandages on Ralph's head, then satisfied, started shining a pen light in his eyes.

"What's this about not wanting to go to your church's orgy?" she asked, for all the world sounding conversational about it.  Ralph, looking like a punch drunk fighter said, "Please, please, I don't understand. Can you explain, like I'm from Mars, why a church would have an orgy, or why I'd want to take my wife to any orgy?"

The nurse contemplated this silently for a moment, then letting the guard know to follow her out by means of a significant look, exited.  She shut the door firmly behind her, leaving Ralph alone.

It was a half hour later that a priest entered, wearing the black robes and white backwards collar that was known world wide as "Catholic".  Must be a Catholic hospital, Ralph thought.  Perhaps now there'd be some answers for him he hoped.

The priest said, before Ralph could talk, "I'm Dr. Tobias, the staff psychiatrist.  What's all this about church orgies?  What does this have to do with your domestic violence?"

Ralph had had some time to think.  Not that he had figured anything out, only in the movies does the hero suddenly "get" that he's in an alternate universe.  Instead, he was trying to figure out whether he was truly insane or whether an unlikely number of random strangers were trying to play a joke on him that was not in the least funny.

He was hoping for the second, but feared it was the first.  Still, he did not feel insane, though he admitted to himself that he really would have no way of knowing what "insane" felt like.  But no matter what, he figured that his only real recourse was to play this out and see where it went.  For he clearly was going no where, not while still chained to the bed.

Taking a deep breath, he asked the priest/psychiatrist what he'd asked the nurse.  For an explanation about this orgy thing that would assume he was from Mars.

3.

Dr. Tobias pondered that question, but while it seemed like being asked about why water was wet, felt he could afford to indulge this man who might well end up being his full time patient.  Violence displayed to loved ones, general disorientation, not seeming to understand where he was or how he got here, the nurse already thought that a 72 hour hold would be of benefit and Dr. Tobias was already thinking that the nurse had called it correctly.

Well, here goes, he thought.  "Young man, the Universal Church, ever mindful of their responsibility in shepherding lost souls to heaven, hosts such orgies so as to keep weak and fallible and sinning men from violating the commandment against coveting their neighbor's wife.  It was noticed early on, even in the time of Moses, that men just wouldn't stop doing this, so the solution, obvious in retrospect, was to let every man have every other man's wife once a week, and thus they'd not have to covet those wives during the week."

Dr. Tobias paused, and seeing Ralph just staring at him figured on giving the rest of the old boring seminary lecture.  "Remember too, the prohibition is about coveting your neighbor's wife, not the wives, plural of all your neighbors.  Thus you can get it out of your system Sunday, and be safe for the rest of the week from any odd random temptation over any individual wife."

Ralph couldn't really think of what to say to this fantastical nonsense, but of a million questions he could ask, did ask, "And so you do this instead of the weekly Mass?"

Dr. Tobias looked surprised.  "No, no, of course not!  Mass is held on the Sabbath!  Why would we hold Mass on the first day of the week when the 4th commandment clearly says, 'six days shall ye labor, and the seventh ye shall rest'?  The seventh day is the Sabbath, and the first day of the week is for the orgy!"

Ralph said, "The usual reason gave for moving the Sabbath to Sunday is that Christ fulfilled the Law when he was crucified.  And so in honor of Him, and the 'new creation' of his resurrection, we worship on Sunday."

Dr. Tobias made a note that this seemed to be a well-developed delusion if his soon to be patient had reasons already for his irrational beliefs about how the world was.  But before he could respond, Ralph asked, "If you put such great store on the exactness of the commandments, why are you breaking the one about adultery?"

Now Dr. Tobias looked genuinely puzzled.  "But...but..." he stammered, "Christ fulfilled the Law, that part of what you thought was true, but we are still to keep most all of the commandments!  But that adultery commandment we no longer observe in honor of Christ pardoning the adulterer!"

"Adulterer?", inquired Ralph.  "You mean the adulteress?  Is that why you're claiming that all this is okay?"

Dr. Tobias said, "What do you mean, 'adulteress'?  I'm speaking of the part in the Bible where Christ forgave the man brought to Him in adultery.  The crowd wanted to stone the adulterer for he having seduced and defiled a woman not his wife.  A woman the adulterer had long coveted.  Christ in His mercy and wisdom set aside the man's punishment, and thus we honor Christ by making it as easy as possible for men to avoid the sin of coveting another man's wife!"

Ralph pondered this vaguely logical nonsense.  Was this then what it was?  A weird theological joke? Tentatively he asked, "So if I understand you, instead of ignoring the Sabbath being on the seventh day, like I thought we could, it's the commandment about adultery we can ignore?  And that's in honor of Christ, same as I thought about the Sabbath being moved?"

Dr. Tobias frowned thoughtfully. "I guess it does boil down to that.  Christ did fulfill the Law, but we are still to follow it.  But to honor Him, we do go to great lengths to keep any man from being punished for adultery, and to do all we can to make coveting impossible.  And from what you're saying, you theologically agree in principle, but prefer that we not entirely follow the Sabbath commandment instead?  To also 'honor' Him?"

Ralph pondered this.  The priest was still speaking seriously, like this wasn't a joke.

4.

Ralph was sitting in Group, hearing about how someone's wife just wouldn't listen, and was convinced now that he was insane.  There was no way that everyone could be so thoroughly in on this weird and not even funny joke.  True, he at the least now had a healthy respect for why it would be best to follow all of God's laws, as wrote, not as interpreted.  Kind of funny to even call something "honoring" Christ, or to blame Christ for a change, when the "change" involved violating His Father's laws!

An orderly interrupted his reveries.  "Your wife is here, sir."  With a grunted "'scuse me", Ralph got up from his plastic chair and hurried over to the Visitation Room, eager to see his wife for the first time in two days. He went up to hug her, and the intern stopped that from happening, but not before he saw her flinch back. His heart broke.

"Honey, I'm sorry for scaring you, that wasn't my intention, but to see you dressed like that...!" he began. Sniffling a bit, like she'd been crying, she said, "I was dressed the way I was supposed to!  And how could you have called me that ugly name, or criticized me over your own son?"

His anger rushed up, in spite of his desire to be out of here and with her again.  "My son?  My son?  How sorry can you be for cheating on me with his father if you're going to deny it now?"

"Wait...what?" she began, "I never hid from you who the biological father was, I slept with George - yes, yes, a FedEx driver - at one of the Parish Orgies!  To hear you go on about it, I slept with him during the week!"

And with a flash, Ralph got it.  No, he was not aware of the nature of the omniverse or how one might find oneself slipping betwixt the alternates randomly.  But what he "got" was that no matter how, no matter why, whether it was a joke, a gaslighting, a scam or simply an insanity of his, that the world was now this way and that he'd better adjust to it.

Sabbath on Sunday?  That makes no sense when you think about it.  No one could seriously think that honor was done to Jesus by flouting the laws of His Father.  And likewise, these people were making the same mistake, but over something he was not used to.  Honoring Jesus by forgiving adultery each week, and making it impossible to covet, as you could freely have that which you otherwise would have coveted!

Madness!  You can't honor Jesus that way!  But here they do.  Here they do.  He clung to that as if a log in a raging river.  Here they do.  Here they do.  Deal with that, with what they are doing, not with what I think they should be doing.

"Honey", he said, in a different voice from before.  A calmer,  more rational voice, that caught her attention at once.  "I've been...been...not feeling well.  There's been some work stress.  I've not felt myself, that's the truth.  I'm sorry for what I've put you through, for you catching the brunt of it.  I think I'm feeling a bit more in control, though.  I know I need some aid."

She looked skeptical, but a bit hopeful.  "I think that you should stay here, just for a week or so for observation.  Then, Dr. Tobias says that if all goes well, you might be able to come home and have outpatient therapy twice a week.  I've already called your work, your insurance was paid up, so you've three months coming and they're nothing but sympathetic."

Ralph looked grateful.  All he had to do, he told himself, was keep reminding himself that it doesn't matter how or why things have changed or seemed to change.  The Sabbath commandment is kept here, the adultery one is not.  In fact, he thought - probably sinfully, as far as he was still concerned - it could even be fun, if that church secretary he always had errant thoughts over was still attending!

He nodded humbly to his wife, a tear rolling down his cheek, the tear being of relief that there was an end point in sight, that he'd not be here forever.  "Yes, yes," he said to his wife, "Whatever Dr. Tobias feels is best, that's what I want.  To get myself back in order and be there for you and...and..." She looked up sharply at him and he quickly finished, "...our son."

She beamed.

5.

It was Friday and Ralph was so glad to be out.  It was good not to be confined to a single floor any more and be told when to eat and when to sleep and when to go to the bathroom.  His sessions with Dr. Tobias had, he felt, gone well, though having to make up a narrative to account for his insanity had been difficult at first.

But with each group session, with each private therapy session, and with each bit of quiet time to rehearse things, his story and the delivery of it came easier and easier, so much so that after 90 days - he'd been in longer than his wife had told him it would be, but no longer than his insurance covered - it was easier to remember the narrative than what he still sometimes thought of as "reality".

He looked at his son doing his end of the week homework in the kitchen, though given how fast sunset was approaching, he'd need a light on soon.  He went ahead and turned the light on now and smiled briefly at his son before ducking out.

Yes, he told himself, his son.  James was not to blame.  Had she "cheated" on him, a word that no one seemed to know the meaning of but him?  Or had she got pregnant at a church event in which he was busy sleeping with another woman at the same time?  Either way, he had either forgave her or not minded, so it was best to put all that behind him now and just accept James as the innocent boy he is.

Idly he wondered how it was going to be this Sunday.  His first Sunday of freedom since what he thought of as "my episode".  He had gone online almost immediately upon being released, so that he could google how these orgies were conducted.  As usual, Wikipedia assumed that the reader knew nothing, which made it great for him.

Each parish had their own orgy each Sunday, said orgies lasting for one hour.  There were rules as to what you should not do.  You should not be with your wife at all for that hour.  You should not be with just one other woman for that hour.  There was no maximum number of women you could be with, but three was the socially accepted average.

Men picked the women, women could not decline without cause.  But if they didn't like the man, then they could opt for it to just be foreplay and that the first time asked also be the last.  A request rarely made, but always honored.

He was feeling an anticipatory shiver.  He was anticipating Marla, the church secretary, being there, and he had always, well, "coveted" her!  In theory, this would "cure" that, though he still didn't in his heart of hearts believe that any of this would be okay.  Still, everyone said it was okay, and there were pleasant sounding reasons, and the priest said it was all right, and bottom line?

How much effort does it really take to persuade a man that sin is not sin?  Never much, he thought.  Never much.  He'd apparently been sinning in Sunday worship - false memory, false memory, he silently admonished himself.  So now he could sin in adultery.  Because here they do, here they do, here they do!

He shivered.  Part still in fear over the strange three months, part at the thought of Marla.  Do all insane people wrestle this way?  Well, if it was this or the asylum, he'd stay out and say whatever he had to.  If the choice was between Group Therapy or Marla...!

He shivered yet again, this time at the thought of what a sinner he truly was.  He should not give in to this, just for having a carnal desire.  He should rather have spiritual purity in the asylum, then carnal pleasure for a brief time then Hell hereafter.  But...but he knew himself.  He knew he'd sin.  Not a sin, because here they do, here they do!  Not a sin!  Because here they do!  Maybe in enough years he'd believe that and quiet his conscience.

He was almost done with his walk, glad to feel the fresh air on his face and to see real sunlight, what little there was left of it.  You don't realize how valuable that is till you don't have it, he thought!  He stumbled briefly, and resumed his walk smiling at the laughter of a child across the street.  And unaware of the additional half glemmen he'd been shunted sidewise!

Darn eddies!

Seeing Marla across the street, he grinned roguishly, winked broadly and said, "See you Sunday!"  Her face instantly went cold.  Drawing from a concealed shoulder holster with a rapidity that was astonishing, Marla shot straight at Ralph's chest and the shot landed true.

A squad car that had just then been driving down the street screeched to a halt and two cops got out.  They looked at Ralph, laying there dead in a growing pool of blood.  They looked at Marla in all her curvaceous glory holding the smoking gun.

Glancing at his watch, the first officer said, "Good thing Sabbath is not for another five minutes!  Thou shalt not kill - on the Sabbath!"

"After all," the second officer said, "Christ fulfilled the Law!"