"I need you kids to help me move an outhouse."
That's what Darryl told my college buddies and I, while we were drinking and kicking back at his cabin outside of Delta Junction, Alaska. My buddy Hugh and I looked at each other, then looked at the girls. Thus we knew that we were up for it, but the girls were unsure if this would interrupt the fun.
Nick, always the funnest and funniest of us, tipped the scales by piping up that it sounded fun. This reassured the girls. So we got up from our mattresses and couches that Darryl had liberally scattered about this large one room cabin - not his home, just a spare cabin he let us use - and poured out the door.
"Isn't this going to be dirty?", asked one of the girls. Darryl assured her that it would not be. This was a new outhouse, he'd just built it, but it needed to be moved to some property he had.
Darryl had a lot of property out in the wilds of Alaska. He drove his truck all up and down his property, with a bottle of whiskey between his knees. You can legally drive drunk - on your own land, and he had tons of land. Mostly crap land, most all unused, but land is land.
We helped lift it into the back of his truck, and it was a pretty ugly wooden outhouse. They have Outhouse Races in Alaska each year, and a higher percent of the populace still uses them than any other state. And Darryl was nothing if not competent, and his 80 plus years and constant drinking hadn't faded that. So he clearly made it ugly on purpose, which for Alaska just meant plain and unadorned.
Hugh and I rode up front with him, others piled in the back, Mike drove the girls in his car. As we took off, I asked him what this was all for. Then it was story time.
"This fellow from the lower 48", he said, "bought some land behind mine. My parcel is between his and the road. They built themselves some crazy half a million dollar house, because they wanted a 'cabin' in the wilderness to visit! But then they got to worrying. Their house was not visible from the road, because of all the trees on my land, but what if I ever decided to build a house there? They figured they'd better buy my parcel so they could leave it as woods."
"Yeah, those types do have money to burn.", I said. Darryl and Hugh nodded. Hugh said, "What, you held 'em up for a high price?"
"No more than was fair", said Darryl. "I offered the parcel for six grand, five for what it was worth, and another thousand for a fair profit. Fair for lower forty eighters, anyway. I figured I could do a good deed for once."
"Where'd that get you?", Hugh asked.
"The fellow figured me for a dumb ass, and thought he could drive some kind of slick bargain, and he said, 'I'll give you three!'", Darryl said. "I countered with seven!"
Hugh and I laughed. "How'd he like that?" we both asked.
"Well, he didn't take that too well. Truth is, he got kind of mean. First he told me that fine, he'd take it for six, but when I repeated seven, he said I couldn't do that.", Darryl explained.
Hugh and I winced. We knew that most folks in Alaska were pretty libertarian/conservative on property rights. Even the liberals. We both figured that the lower 48 guy telling Darryl what he could or couldn't do with his land wouldn't end well.
"What did you say to that?", I asked.
"I told him I sure could sell it to him for ten grand, as it was my land!", Darryl said, then laughed and took another swig of whiskey. We were on a state road, but we knew he could drive better drunk than some could sober.
"He hit the roof over that. Called me some names. None that I hadn't heard before, and none that weren't true. I waited till he ran out of steam, then told him that as we didn't have a meeting of the minds, I'd go now, but he could stop by any time he figured he had a spare fifteen grand!"
We were all three laughing over that. Then I said, "Well what's it all got to do with the outhouse?"
Darryl said, "I knew they only wanted the land to keep the trees up, so they'd not have to see the road and they could pretend they were in the deep woods. Every few days then, I've been going out there with my chainsaw and cutting down all the trees and having a guy I know cart them off!"
Laughing still, Hugh asked, "Not for free?"
"Course not!", Darryl said, "But I sell them for a fair enough price. It's took me a few weeks, but I've got the whole place cleared now, well, 'cept for the stumps. It's all kind of ugly looking now!"
Hugh and I, sleep deprived, tipsy for going on three days, were still laughing over all this, and with each new bit of information, laughing the harder!
We got there about then, and sure enough there was a beautiful house set way back, and the ugliest bare field of two hundred or so stumps you ever saw! Except for a patch in the middle of the land that had been cleared of the stumps, too. There sat an old and ugly recliner!
Darryl saw us looking, and slung his rifle over his shoulder. "I had to have a place to sit and rest, didn't I? We can move it, and put the outhouse there!" We didn't ask what the rifle was for, it was Alaska, and he always carried one. And Hugh and I were open carrying our handguns, we being part time bank guards.
That last piece of data had us laughing even harder, though I'd not have thought it possible. This couple from the lower 48, had invested nearly half a million for their beautiful getaway, and now it was all ruined, and all for speaking rudely to the wrong man!
"What'd he do when you started clear cutting?", I asked. "He came out, threatened a lawsuit. I pointed my rifle at him and told him to get off my land. He did, but he came back with a policeman. I said hi to him, I knew him and his dad, and told him to have the guy stop bothering me. He told the guy to stop bothering me, and that's the last I heard of it!"
With the outhouse placed - which we did only after relating the story to the rest and enjoying laughing the more with them - the house was now utterly ruined, as they could now never invite any of their rich friends up, because instead of it being a symbol of their wealth, it would forever be a symbol of how foolish they'd been and what a poor investment they'd made!
"I notice there's no hole.", I managed to say, between drinking and laughing with the rest. "Don't need none", Darryl replied. "I don't plan to be out here much, it's just ain't very pretty in these parts!" Which set us off laughing the more!
"But", Hugh said, "We shouldn't just leave it standing there unused!"
And that's how three cute college girls, four young guys from the lower 48, and one old man who'd lived through the oil boom were all in the middle of nowhere doubled over, falling down and hysterically laughing at this insanely over the top prank!
The girls declined, but all of us guys made sure and "baptize" that brand new outhouse, and there we left it to go back to the cabin and have more drinking, more philosophizing, more midnight canoe trips, more aurora borealis watching and more of the usual fun that young folks have.
And more laughter! At 49, and not drunk, and not sleep deprived, I write this, and while I smile, I don't laugh out loud. But probably for laughing out loud over that for some years, as we repeated that tale to fellow students, family and friends.
It seemed to capture a lot of the craziness and camaraderie of life in Alaska!
Moral of the story: Don't tell a man what he can and cannot do with this land!
Monday, May 28, 2018
Sunday, May 13, 2018
Ms. Smith: Part 1
"Well, now that we have seen each other," said the unicorn, "if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you."
- Lewis Carroll, "Alice in Wonderland"
Boredom. The most exciting and dangerous mission in all history, and the principle emotion Rick Delacourt felt was boredom. Plenty of excitement before. Plenty of excitement to come. But two years from Earth, and within days
of Saturn's moon Titan, he was only just now starting to get a little bit excited again. He believed he had been alone in his boredom, being the "captain" and sole crew. The passengers, half a dozen of them, were the intellectual types used to sitting about gabbing
among themselves and endlessly downloading news, education and entertainment.
Not that he had much reason to be excited, personally. Laughably, his "job" was coming to an end, or at least a pause, and it would be the ambassadors and social scientists doing the work now. He'd be relegated to his secondary job as security. Perhaps even a larger joke than he having been captain. His ship was automated and controlled from Earth, and should it come to it, the greatest response they had to a security threat would be to blow it up. Also a thing decided on and done from Earth.
Maybe these Titans wrestle. If so he could prove his worth then, he thought wryly, as he'd been all state champ (Kentucky, Division III) back in the day. Assuming they had not more limbs than he. And that they were aggressive. So far they'd shown no signs of aggression.
So far they'd shown no signs of anything, other than being here.
He remembered when they first arrived, three years ago. Though whether "they" are a "they" or "one" or alive or machine no one knows. Astronomers spotted the new object sometime within 12 hours of it's appearance. At least photos from 12 hours prior had not shown anything anywhere near that region. The giant disc was decelerating from .5c and glided smoothly into orbit around Titan. No fuss, no muss, no hesitation. And no corrections. The disc was easily as large as a city, 10k in diameter, and once at rest, started to spin at what could mean .87g inside. Various smaller objects left and went to Titan's surface, more left and went to Saturn, still more left and went to many other moons of Saturn, and returned, and went again.
It looked like whatever the Titans (as they were inevitably called) were doing, they not only knew what they were doing, but were well underway at it. Whatever "it" was.
And that's what was killing humanity. For the year before his voyage - and presumably still - all who could were beaming radio transmissions at the aliens, welcoming them, asking them what they wanted, offering trade, making threats (North Korea, of course) and doing everything else you could expect. Including the samples of our "culture". Rick winced. He wished there had been a way of censoring 99% of all messages. 99.99%.
That first year wasn't wasted, though. The U.S. and P.R.C. and E.U. were collaborating within two weeks on that great old stand by plan, the Orion Project. Sure, it could have been launched in less than a year, but after it was ready, there was all the fuss of who would go. Or rather, who would be representing who. And what would be said or not said. Then they'd tried to kick him off. As he wasn't necessary. Which was a good point, Rick thought, but as he had claimed with a straight face, he was there in case any of the systems went down. His bosses knew how laughable that possibility was with the quintuple redundancies and radio controlled robots to repair things and the warehouse on board with all expected spare parts, and an even greater supply of unexpected parts. But they hadn't minded another American getting slipped in above quota.
A light went on. Proximity detector. A sphere 20 meters in diameter was coming towards them from the Titan's orbiting city. It stopped an hour away from them at current speed, but that wouldn't do, Rick realized. They would have to either try to dodge around it, or slow and stop the ship before reaching the city. Probably the point. Cautiously he entered the changes for him to bring the UNS Newton to rest. And only due to this scenario and 34 others that he'd been made to drill at, being foreseen, did he do it so automatically. At this distance, he was better than the robots, because he could do what his bosses wanted without waiting for the light speed lag orders to arrive.
The passengers were safe, having been advised as soon as he entered in the changes. The ship came to a rest in front of the sphere with 1 kilometer to spare. Immediately his ship's systems broadcast pre-recorded messages designed to show our sapience and establish rapport. But the sphere had it's own agenda. It was sending a message already which came directly to his headphones. "Captain Rick Delacourt, you may enter this transport sphere which will be docking with your ship now. No one else. If that is not acceptable, then please pilot this vessel and it's inhabitants back to your planet at once."
No further communications were gave, no further sent ones (and there were plenty) were answered.
Boredom. Boredom was definitely not being felt any more. Rick and his now empty ship were heading toward Titan's city now. After a large and long argument about whether he should enter the sphere like the Titans had said, or whether the half dozen hand-picked representatives of humanity should. Humanity's "best" had overrode his agonized pleas that while he was not a diplomat, he did not think ignoring the Titan's wishes was the best way to start things off.
After they all got on the sphere, assuring him it would have been wrong for a captain to leave his ship anyway, the new message came in. Whether they got it, too, Rick did not know. He suspected they did not get it. "Captain Rick Delacourt, the variety of beings who entered our property against our instructions will be held in place safely until your return. We will be taking you and your ship to us now, your assistance will not be required."
The trip was short and uneventful. Closer in, the city was a hive of activity of ships entering and leaving, and dozens of other lesser satellites orbiting about Titan. The computer display showed 822 different objects of various sizes, all artificial, besides the great disc city itself. Which his ship was now docking to. "You will exit and walk to the room at the end of the yellow line. Enter the room. The atmosphere is safe and you will be safe. Do nothing else."
Rick did nothing else.
The room was white and bare, save two chairs. Rick sat in the one nearest the door he had entered. He eyed the door at the far end. He did not eye it long before it opened and a woman came in. 165cm, no more than 50kg, and....Southeast Asian? Rick was on his feet more in surprise than courtesy. "Please sit down, Captain Delacourt", she said in unaccented Midwestern English.
"You're human?" Rick exclaimed, but recovered with, "My apologies, I was - am - surprised. I was not the one chose for diplomacy. I greet you. We come in peace."
"My name is Ms. Smith. Given your name for us, you may call this place Titanopolis. It is our intention that none of you will ever disturb us. We would prefer that happen without harm to you."
Rick contemplated that. "You mean you do not wish to have anything to do with any of us, now or ever? No trade, no exchanges?"
"Captain, that we did not come to your planet or answer any of your messages should have made that clear. You have nothing to trade, there is no exchange that we wish. Had there been anything we sought from you, we'd have already got it."
Rick realized that something was off. "Why are you talking to me, then? Why not just keep ignoring us? Clearly you could have just sent our ship back at once."
"Captain, we do have that ability, but it was judged that there would be a further series of efforts made, each requiring a given amount of time and attention. It was decided to tell you, a semi-free being, and hope you could go back and persuade the others to stop."
"Semi-free?"
"Captain, the other beings are direct agents of the constructed social entities you call nations. You are the only one here in the capacity of an individual trading a talent for whatever compensation they have gave you. You are not speaking for anyone."
"May I ask how you are human, Ms. Smith?"
"Please understand that my name is not really Ms. Smith, I don't really speak English and none of us are human. I look and sound that way so as to communicate with you. It's like when you see someone's image on TV, and it's not really how they look. I just have this appearance to deal with you."
"What are you, a hologram?"
"No, not a hologram. It would be hard to express how irrelevant the question is. We're sapient, which was obvious already. Our exact nature clearly interests you, but none of what you or your race are interested in is of concern to us. We aren't here to help you or harm you or be friends, teachers or destroyers. We have our own goals, and your race is not a part of that. As to this body, it is human in every way, generated for this purpose."
"But surely you can see it from our point, can't you?"
"Yes, to an extent. But you have beings of lesser sapience on your planet, and you are aware of their own hopes and dreams, and you routinely thwart them. You do not have any malice towards these other beings, they just are not a part of your plans."
"You're saying we're animals to you?"
"We understand that you believe you have come far, but you are forgetting that you are only comparing your progress to yourselves. You are thinking, for instance, that this meeting is of at least some note to us, that we have had to make elaborate arrangements to meet you. But this is - I am - an automated procedure for any time something like this comes up. None of us us are really equipped to converse with you any more than you could converse with an insect."
"Are you saying you're a program?"
"I am a program in a sense. But I'm a Titan all the same."
"Can this body of yours and the program in 'you' return to Earth and discuss this?"
"I'm here to explain that there is nothing to discuss. Except how we keep more intrusions from taking place."
"I don't have the authority to prevent that."
"Nor do those I left in the sphere. But I meant that we need to find out how to keep more tries from taking place, not how to get them to agree to that."
"I don't think that will be easy. At the least, they will wish to know much more about you."
"Anything we tell you would be self-serving. You must surely realize that."
"Yes. But what you think of as self-serving would itself be more than we yet know."
For the first time Ms. Smith paused and seemed to give that thought. Her face smiled, a trifle unsurely, then with more force. "I was right to volunteer a copy of me. It's been too long since any of us did this personally. Very well, I will be self-serving with you. It will even be the truth, as it doesn't matter what your knowledge of us really is. I do see how it might aid in satisfying your race's curiosity."
"Thank you. But you say you're a copy? A clone?"
"No, not a clone, as I am not human. My mind was copied, the 'program' of it as it were, and downloaded into this constructed body. Me, for all practical purposes, and reacting as I back home would react. But come, your fellow humans in the pod and back on Earth will be nervous, and do something foolish. Let us depart."
And with that they departed with no fanfare. It was odd, Rick thought, to be walking in silence back to the ship. And for her to sit in attentive silence while he piloted it back to the pod, it no longer being under their control.
He pondered that. "Why aren't your people piloting my ship back?"
Ms. Smith said, "We know you value what you think of as 'free will', and so are willing to let you do what you're supposed to do. Were you to depart from it, we would simply override you at that point."
Fair enough, he thought, though he grimly wondered if there was a way of interrupting that control. He also made note that technically his vessel was now under duress, and there were protocols for that, as well. Not fun ones.
But all he said was, "What my people call 'free will'?"
"Yes", she replied. "There is no free will as you imagine it, only programs of varying looseness in their parameters. In some life forms, it is beneficial to have a great deal of 'choice', though this means that many will choose wrong and die. But if
the life involved is of no great value, and it leads to a greater good, this can be useful."
"All life is programming?"
"Of course", she replied. "That the programming was not done by your computers, or in an electronic and silicon based form doesn't change that. A single cell organism must seek food and avoid danger. That takes a program. DNA, you call it?"
"Ahh.", said Rick. "Yes, we know of that. But I guess we don't think of that as a program in the same sense as what I thought you were speaking of."
"Of course", she replied. "That the programming was not done by your computers, or in an electronic and silicon based form doesn't change that. A single cell organism must seek food and avoid danger. That takes a program. DNA, you call it?"
"Ahh.", said Rick. "Yes, we know of that. But I guess we don't think of that as a program in the same sense as what I thought you were speaking of."
"But it is", she replied. "It is the operating instructions for the whole unit. Nothing that unit does is not going to be due either to the program directly, or indirectly by how the program responds to various environmental factors, including other beings
with other programs."
Rick thought about that, but realized this was little different than he had heard before in college. It didn't bother him. Perhaps from a scientific sense it was true, but even as a lapsed Episcopalian, he still believed in the soul. Not that such needed
discussing!
They came upon the pod and before they could stop, or even slow down, it accelerated to their speed and matched docking doors. Their journey back to Earth was not then slowed at all. Rick got up, to go see them. "Excuse me", he said, "I should attend
to them."
"Yes.", was her reply, "But do not let them visit me. At need, I can have their program copied and stored, and their current body made inert."
Good to know, thought Rick. Wonder just how she pulls that off? "You'd kill one of us for trying to see you?"
"I said I'd copy and store their program first. After my mission, a new body could be constructed, and the program downloaded into that.", she said.
Rick exited on that note, giving only a brief shudder as he did so. But perhaps she was right in being so extreme, as he was pretty sure that they'd try to see her if she'd threatened any less a punishment than murder.
He arrived at the airlock to see only two out, the other four nervously still in the pod but looking into the ship. One of the two, the delegate from the PRC, started in on him at once. "This will not stand, Captain Delacourt! I do not know what kind
of games you think you are playing, but these are not the days of 20th century American hegemony! We will have an explanation for why you took off leaving us stranded! And where you went and why you took so long!"
Rick asked, "No explanation was gave you?"
"None!", the diplomat shrilled. "We boarded and the door closed and then no further door opened! We've been just held there, and with only the most rudimentary sanitary facilities!"
"Well", Rick said, "You were advised not to enter. When you did, the Titans seized my ship by remote control, and took me to what they call Titanopolis to meet and pick up a...a...representative, you might call her."
"Her?", interrupted the diplomat. "Where is she? I must speak with her at once."
"Her?", interrupted the diplomat. "Where is she? I must speak with her at once."
"Hold on. That can't be. She only appears human, she's some kind of copy of the mental processes of one of the Titans, put into a created body that appears human. And she is not here for any reason but to try to keep us from interfering with them.", said Rick, at
this point to all six of them. They may as well all hear it at once he thought.
"We're apparently animals to them, they have no concern to harm or help us, but would prefer we leave them alone without them having to expend any effort. The representative is not so much a representative as she is someone to try and find a way to make
sure we stop bothering them. To the extent they are bothered. I gather we're little more than an annoying fly. In any case, she is not to be disturbed. She has threatened to murder anyone who tries to see her."
"For which we have only your word, Captain Delacourt?" ask the diplomat with heavy sarcasm. "It is unlikely that a civilized power would be so recklessly brutal."
"I don't think they see it as 'murder'", replied Rick. "They would be disabling an animal, and she promised that she'd store a copy of the mind of any killed so as to be down loaded into a replica human body later. We would think that is death, but they
may not."
"I also must tell you", continued Rick, almost as an afterthought, "That Situation 28 obtains. This ship is under duress. I am currently allowed the controls, but can only pilot this where they want, which is Earth, for if I do not, they have the means of taking control from me."
"I also must tell you", continued Rick, almost as an afterthought, "That Situation 28 obtains. This ship is under duress. I am currently allowed the controls, but can only pilot this where they want, which is Earth, for if I do not, they have the means of taking control from me."
Stunned silence met this pronouncement, whether from fear of death or the ship being under duress or both, Rick did not care. He principally wanted to get back up to the command room, before Ms. Smith started doing anything that would probably not benefit
them.
Manners and Mores
*show in red and blue the title "Manners and Mores"*
*voiceover*
"In the social justice system, the people are represented by two separate but equally important groups. The Proctors who investigate ill manners and the District Professors who correct those who are rude. These are their stories."
*DUN, DUN*
The heavy-set woman exited the Starbucks, an orange mocha frappucino in one hand, a jelly donut in the other. She walked down the street, eating the donut and waiting for her coffee to cool down. A crowd of young people came out of a bar further up, and started walking towards her. They were laughing and not paying attention.
The heavy-set woman tried to walk to one side, but the group filled the width of the sidewalk. It looked like she might make it through, but at the last minute, one of the youths, an attractive girl of no more than 21, bumped into the heavy-set woman, causing the coffee to spill down the front of her blouse.
The laughter stopped at once, as did the heavy-set woman, and all eyes turned to the attractive young girl. The Jiminies all swirled about, forming a rough circle around both women, two feet above them. A frown flitted across the young woman's face, but was changed to a smile almost instantly. She said in a sweet voice, "I am sooo sorry! Totally my fault! Can I give you something for the dry cleaning?"
The heavy-set woman seemed somehow disconcerted, as if some tone had been detected that didn't seem quite as sincere as could have been hoped. Even a couple in the young woman's group looked at her sharply, as if wondering if she was really sorry.
The heavy-set woman said simply, "It's okay, it was an accident, thank you for the offer." And started to move on. But then as the group turned away, the young woman muttered to her friends, in a poor attempt at a stage whisper, "Thank heavens, that bill would have broke my budget!"
Instantly the young woman's Jiminy pulsed red blue, red blue, as did the Jiminies of two in the group who had started to chuckle, but stopped at the lights and sirens of their own Jiminies. Instantly the heavy-set woman's Jiminy and the remainder of the Jiminies also pulsed red blue, red blue, while each said in unison, "Remain in place, remain in place."
The young woman, named Madison, started to speak, but at once everyone shushed her. The heavy-set woman was quietly crying, and some of the young woman's friends were going up to her to give her pats on the back and murmured apologies.
Soon enough two men on electric bikes glided to a stop in front of the group, each wearing the blue kilt and blouse of the Proctors. Lenny, a 20 year veteran of the force looked through each person there, and you could almost see him figuring out the situation before he could get any official report.
Rey, his junior by some years, was at once cocking his head to the side, listening as his own Jiminy, who had been updated on arrival, privately related the incident and it's own evaluation to him. Open and shut, sounded like. Still, was anything ever open and shut in the city's elite Passive-Aggression Department?
By now, Lenny had also been briefed, and at Rey's inquiring look quipped, "Guess she should have had the vanilla skinny chai!"
*cue theme music*
Into the general hubbub that marked the usual sound level of New York City's Passive-Aggression Department walked Lenny and Rey. A phone rang in the background, no doubt one of the five or six calls a day that came in from those who didn't trust the judgment of their Jiminies, who had there been anything real to call in about, would have already summoned the Proctors.
Between them was Madison, looking nervous and scared as they escorted her to the Interview Room. Sitting her down, her first words were, "I know my rights, I want a Therapist!" Rey looked blank, but Lenny immediately gave a world-wise grin and said, "Ya hear that, Rey? Less than a minute and she already wants to Therapy Up! What, your conscience not being your guide? Because if it was, you'd hardly need emotional care, would you?"
Madison looked defiant. Lenny continued, "Look, lady, here's how this is going to go down. We got you cold on a flat out Personal Insult in the 2nd degree. And that's only as we haven't got the full diagnostics back from Central AI on why your own Jiminy didn't have you avoid her in the first place. If it shows it did warn you, then it's 1st degree!"
"Yeah", jumped in Rey. "For 1st degree, you got to register for your life, since Weightism is a hate crime. You try finding any fun occupation to while away your time after that, eh? Last person convicted, he had to spend the rest of his life living off of Basic Income, cuz no one let him participate in any personal or community growth project ever again!"
Lenny looked contemptuously at Madison. He sneered, "Maybe that's what she's looking for, Rey. An excuse to veg for the next 60 years, VRing her life away. Now look, honey, right now, we're your only two friends. You tell us how it went down, maybe we can put in a word for you with the Professors. They listen to us. But if you want to wait on your Therapist, we can write this up as how it looks, and let me tell you, it looks bad."
Madison glared a moment, then her shoulders drooped and it seemed the fight went out of her. She said, "My Jiminy never gave me any warning about our trajectories intersecting. And it doesn't seem like hers did either. As to the comment, I don't know why I made it."
Rey, filling the silence that fell, asked insinuatingly, "So maybe you and her had history, right? I mean, maybe she had took a position at a local charity that you had wanted one time, or maybe she had got away with some remark that to you sounded snippy, yeah? And here was an opportunity to get back a little, yeah? I mean, if that's how it went down, we can understand that. But you have to be straight with us."
"I didn't know her, okay?!", Madison suddenly yelled, as her up to now dormant Jiminy, programmed not to interfere within the confines of a Proctor's Station, went red blue, red blue, and Lenny and Rey's own Jiminies, programmed with a far greater latitude and indulgence of verbal abuse then the general public's were, flew up and back to make sure to have a good vid shot of the possible violence to come.
But Lenny and Rey were interrupted then by a sharp two knocks on the "mirror" behind them. They both got up. Lenny said, "Tell you what, we'll get you a Soothie, and you can think about what we said." And with that they exited to see what their Lieutenant had.
Their Lieutenant, Anita, was standing grimly next to Claire. Claire was a junior Professor, young and attractive, the way Professor McCoy always picked them. She said to Anita, "Personal Insult 1? But we do have the Central AI report back, and it says that Madison received no warning from her Jiminy. Nor did the victim's Jiminy give any warning. I think we're looking for a jammer, and if that's true, this city is going to be in an uproar!"
Lenny shook his head. He said, "Yeah, I get that, but I'm telling you, this woman isn't being truthful. She's holding something back. Like maybe she knows of whoever is jamming Jiminies. We need some time in there with her, before any Therapist comes in."
Claire, a stickler for procedure but mindful of the need to get leads on this case fast, said, "You've got some time, but in an hour, the temporary gag on her Jiminy will be lifted, that's out of my hands. And while her Jiminy won't know what you've said up till then, it will quick enough broadcast her vitals and the tenor of the room to Central AI. A Therapist will be dispatched within minutes. Can you work with that?"
"Sure, sure", said Lenny, already turning to re-enter the Interview Room. "Let's go, Rey. Before the Prof here changes her mind!"
Madison looked up. "My Therapist here yet?" Rey went over to the corner of the room behind her and to her right, while Lenny just gave a quick grimace and set a Soothie down in front of her. He set his own coffee down as he sat across from her. He motioned to her Soothie. "Never could get into those - never needed them. You think it's going to help your nerves? Tell you what, you share what's really going on, and I bet you'll never need another Soothie in your life."
She glared at him, picked up the calmative drink and drank deeply. A wash of pleasure seemed to hit her and her body relaxed. Unbeknownst to her, a euphoric and an amity enhancer were also present in her drink, added courtesy of Lenny. Not entirely kosher, but it'd wash out before any Therapist thought to do any med work up on her.
A glance at Rey, a slightly lifted eyebrow, and Rey picked up on the cue and gave his Good Proctor spiel. "Listen, you seem like a nice girl. Hard to believe you could be messing about with jamming Jiminies. But you need to help us. You want the bad old days back? You're too young to remember, but my granddad used to tell me all about it. People walking about, unattended, hitting and kicking and stealing from others. You even know what 'stealing' or 'kicking' is? 'Course not, nice girl like you. But you've been to the VRs. Sometimes, even life was lost."
Madison's eyes started to get moist, as her artificially enhanced empathy let her picture the Dark Ages of man's past, where anyone could do anything, so long as no one was watching, and lie about it later. Lenny took the set up now and said, "Okay, so you've got a conscience, maybe. But if you're really wanting to help us, sign this waiver of your rights so we can get going on this investigation."
A tear spilled down one cheek, and she nodded, and signed off on the papers that Lenny almost magically had appear in front of her. At once, an Interview Room Jiminy came out of it's cove and attached to the back of Madison's neck. Outside the Interview Room, Claire was shaking her head in wonder. "How do they do that so fast?" she asked Anita, who just chuckled and went back to her office.
Lenny waited a few seconds, to give the Interview Jiminy a chance to access all of Madison's bio-systems. Then he said, "Tell me what you know." Madison, well freed of any inhibitions to lie by the special Soothie and the direct stimulus of the Jiminy on her neck said, "His name is Michael Dobson, and he runs that Titillation Trap on W. 57th - " but at this, and to Rey's consternation, Lenny leapt up and was heading out the door.
*DUN, DUN*
Lenny glided to a stop in front of the Titillation Trap, a modest comedic club, with Rey only a few seconds behind him. They'd discussed it on the way over, including Michael Dobson's previous run in with the PA Department for suspected Jiminy jamming a couple of years ago. He'd been let off, then evidence suggestive of him having known the person who had ultimately been charged with the jamming had come to light.
But double jeopardy had attached, one of the few procedural safeguards to have been retained when the Ancient Bill of Rights of had been revamped in 2098. He could not be put on trial a second time for that offense. Though he was looking good to be put on trial for a new offense, Lenny and Rey thought.
He saw them come in at once. "Aww, c'mon, guys! All my jokes are approved, we run a clean club here, nothing to get a Jiminy chirping!" Yet they did have a reputation for heading right up to the line, as evidenced by a sassy and sexy woman on stage doing a Henny imitation, Henny Youngman being one of the few comedians to have survived the Cultural Revolution of the 2090s.
"Take my Jiminy - puh-lease!" she said, to a ba-dum ting by the drummer. "I take my Jiminy everywhere I go - as who doesn't? One time my Jiminy warned me that where I was going was trouble, and I said, 'oh good, I thought I was lost!'! But seriously, did you hear about the guy who turned his Jiminy off? Of course you didn't - because no one can turn their Jiminy off!"
Edgy stuff. But Central AI had long since determined that if there was no outlet here or there, then the pressure would reach breaking point and you'd have a spontaneous riot of rudeness. Hence such establishments. Hence the yearly Carnival, where animal meat could be ate, hard words spoke, feelings hurt, insults hurled. But only for that 24 hour period.
And still recorded for examination so future offenses could be predicted or past offenses revealed.
Still, for some, Carnival and the barely tolerated Titillation Traps weren't enough. Some roving underground clubs, inevitably called "Speakeasies", operated here and there now and then. They jammed Jiminies, let the folks have some laughs at the expense of various ethnic groups and authority figures, then let them claim a "malfunction".
Such were shut down by Vice routinely, but always popped back up.
Lenny already was waving Dobson to the exit door. "You need to come with us. Clear up a few things.", and Dobson went peaceably along. Everyone did, in an era where surveillance was universal and there was no where you could go that your Jiminy - or the Jiminies of others - would not report on your location.
*DUN, DUN*
Claire entered Professor McCoy's office, to find him dressed in jeans and a blue button down shirt. For reasons of his own personal quirks, Jack loved to dress as if he were some kind of workingman. Not that there were any such things as workingmen, outside of historical VRs, but the Mannekins who had replaced such all wore that, for reasons of tradition.
"Can I have a moment of your time, sir?", she deferentially asked, and he grinned and nodded, motioning to a seat near his desk. And failing to remove his feet from his own desk, he said, "Why so formal? Things can't be that bad, can they? I hear Lenny already picked up our old friend Dobson."
"He did", she said, "But it may go deeper than Dobson. I don't think this is just about some naughty jokes or even a bit of pratfall mischief. I think we might be facing a situation of an actual pre-Reform style crime." Jack took his feet off the desk and leaned forward. No grinning now. But no complete acceptance of what she said, either.
"Claire, I understand you're still relatively new, and want to see some grand incident unfold that you can be a part of stopping, but honestly, for any kind of real incident, like causing physical pain or depriving someone of property, that just cannot be any more. Even if someone like Dobson can jam some Jiminies in a given range, the very fact of the blank spot alerts Central AI at once. The classic example is the man who immediately after the Reform tried the first jammer, remember what happened?"
Claire nodded dutifully. "He could be spotted by the 6 meter in diameter circle of blankness that left his house, moved toward the jewelry store, then returned. But he was stupid - others might not be."
Jack nodded and said, "Glad you weren't asleep in the Intro to the Reform class! But the truth is, no matter how smart someone is, the Reform is infallible. Every bit of the nation is viewed by camera, and the Central AI can detect any kind of physical or financial harm. It can detect most emotional harm, too, but wisely our Reformers chose to leave the larger cases of emotional harm to human judgment, or we'd be out of work!"
"Now", Jack continued, "How could any jamming of the Jiminies let a person get away with say, a 'punch' in the nose? You know, like if you moved your hand very fast towards someone's face, and didn't stop. You ever see one?" Claire nodded, "I saw one in VR, it was terrible. It made blood appear. I threw up." "Ahh, yes", McCoy said, "I think I saw that one, and if it's the one I'm thinking of, that was a banned one! I had no idea you had such a misspent youth!" and he grinned again.
"But", Claire said, "Doesn't that prove my point? We do get away with banned movies, Titillation Traps, Speakeasies, and this Jamming. How? And where will someone like Dobson, or those behind him, take this?"
"Claire, the Reform leaves some room for wiggling. I shouldn't tell you this, but there are what we call 'Blue Fairies' that can't be jammed. They aren't even detectable, as they don't come on unless someone is jamming the Jiminies. Remember that case last year, the guy who actually slapped his wife?" "Yeah", Claire said, "He figured that a local jam within his house would leave it a 'he said/she said'."
"He should have known better", Jack said, "The Jiminies deliberately let a person get or build a jammer, just to learn who wants such, and who helps with such. So when he acted to engage it, that told the tale of who did what to whom. But the deeper secret, as many know of that obvious one, is that there are almost as many Blue Fairies as Jiminies. They're built into every home and office, every public place, and they lay dormant till they are cued to activate by the Jiminies going down. As soon as an area has no Jiminies active, the nearest Blue Fairies come on. So not only did we know that man slapped his wife by inference, we actually had a complete vid of it. Not that we told him."
"Then why don't we end all this stuff, all these deviations, all the random jammings? You know there were 32 jammings last year?", Claire asked. Jack said calmly, "Besides that it would put us out of a job? Claire, people are people, so Central AI, and our own office, let a bit of steam out now and then. It lets people get in some harmless venting, it lets us see who the potential trouble makers are, and it keeps us on our toes. All good things. We tried a clamp down once, in a test city, and it didn't end well."
"Baltimore!", breathed Claire heavily. "It was Baltimore, wasn't it?"
"Yes", said Jack. "And that rudeness riot took five teams of ER Therapists to get things back in order. So relax, Dobson and his backers are already known, all that's left is for how we'll pretend we knew who they were without giving away the existence of Blue Fairies."
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*promotional message*
*video montage of Lenny and Rey bicycling around NYC, of Professor McCoy gesticulating in court, of a citizen looking angry in public*
*voiceover*
"Now in it's 32nd season, catch this award winning, top rated VR drama each Deci on Sixday! Ripped from the Interweb Updates, nothing keeps you more immersed in our times!"
*end promotional message*
*DUN, DUN*
"Therrrr-aaaa-pisttttt! Therapist! I, want, my, Therapist!", chanted Dobson, in as annoying a tone as he could manage, which was much more so than most people, since Dobson had had more practice. Lenny looked over at the Lieutenant and said, "Just give me five minutes with him, Luey! Just five minutes, and I'll give him enough 'analysis' for a lifetime!"
Anita looked at him sardonically and said, "You best watch that mouth of yours, Lenny. You get away with a lot of quasi-atavistic behavior, but at some point, you're just going to be begging for a full diagnostic eval for yourself." Rey hearing this, chuckled and said, "That's long overdue!" earning him a smile from Anita and a look of "Et tu?" from Lenny.
"McCoy says this is already a wrap, but I need you two to go over his 'special data' and figure out a way to back trail it till it looks like you remember how to do real police work!", Anita said. Lenny rolled his eyes, but Rey nodded and looked eager. Lenny noticed this and raised an eyebrow.
Answering him, Rey said, "I've already been going over it with Claire, and we found 'inevitability' that will pass any Prof's review. They were good, they had most of the stuff made for other semi-legit things, but one element can only be for a jammer. They did their best to have it produced in Jiminy free nations, all two that are left, but the factory in the People's Democratic Socialist Republic of Puerto Rico that made the third sub-Discernment infractor had no jammers going, as the rolling black out their People's Government scheduled had them powerless for four hours!"
Lenny, looking disgusted at this type of pretense said, "So we play like we had our spy eyes on that, and then alerted, followed it all the way up the line to Dobson? He's going to know that was unlikely!" Anita just shook her head and said, "Given what's coming to him for his crimes, that'll be the least of his worries. And it's not like the System is going to let itself be played, no matter how much he squawks. And who's he to squawk? You know the press and public won't care."
*DUN, DUN*
The Doctor, presiding over Michael Dobson's preliminary hearing, was wearing the traditional white lab coat. McCoy still sported his denim jeans, but had put a tweed jacket over his blue chambray. It had patches on it. Which meant he was barely within the dress code of the Profs who argued cases.
Dobson was sitting in a wheelchair next to his Prof, not a Public Prof, but Emil Skoda, who Dobson had hired himself. This Prof was dressed like a 19th century Austrian gentlemen, vest and all, even a pocket watch, and displaying, of all things, a little goatee and mustache! Actual facial hair, like cavemen! McCoy had come up against him before, though, and knew that behind the fake Germanic accent was a keen therapeutic mind.
So keen that he'd once worked on Jack's side of the street, before being lured away by conscience, he said, but more command of economic resources that was available for aiding such types, others said. He wasted no time waiting for the Doctor to speak, but instead piped up with, "Your honor, ve must object to dis rushing to der judgment, my client is a man in need of help, not to this punitive course that der Professor McCoy has proposed to my ovvis!"
McCoy looked outraged, but was cut off in his sputtering retort by the Doctor saying, "The press-jury has not been impaneled yet, so you can cut the phony accent now, and keep it cut later! There'll be no theatrics in my court!" McCoy looked happy at this and started to speak, but the Doctor held up a hand to silence him. "McCoy, I know your arguments already, both sides briefs were exemplary. I'm not remanding him to a Care Facility of his choice, but nor am I releasing him. I note that both sides are ready, and we're moving to trial right now!"
Looking about the empty room, Jack nodded to himself. In this era of zero crime, where everyone knew that any crime would be caught, gone were the throngs of people that cluttered vast court buildings in previous centuries. Now we don't just have one court house for all of New York City, but are down to just one court room! His reveries were broken by the press-jury coming in.
Twelve men and women of the press, good organizations and true, to view and broadcast this trial to the masses. Left-wingers in favor of Punishment Bands that the Jiminies could self-activate without a human ruling, and Right-wingers in favor of re-classifying any speech not in keeping with Neo-Christianity as "hate speech". And every flavor in between, up, down and all around. Including, Jack noted ruefully, an old college roommate of his who'd been in an anti-Jiminy group in his youth!
"Objection, Doctor!", Jack called out. The Doctor looked up, and the press-juror from Jack's early days stepped forward with a smile, knowing Jack's likely objection. He waited till Jack made his explanation about knowing a juror, then faced the Doctor and said, "Doctor, my viewers have as much right to hear and participate in this as any. And no, we aren't trying to ban Jiminies, just perhaps a bit of slowing down in how much they get to control our lives!"
The Doctor said to Jack, "He stays." and turning to the man said, "But save the speeches. Sit down. Let's get going."
As was usual with all cases, the Doctor started by stating to Michael Dobson and Professor Skoda, "Do you understand that you are, in fact and in law, guilty, based upon the evidence already reviewed by the Central AI and myself, and that we are only here to determine the best methods of healing you?"
Skoda nodded affirmatively. Dobson started in with, "Not guilty, your honor!" and the bailiff moved towards him. The Doctor waved the bailiff off. The Doctor took off his glasses, and briefly pinched his nose. He looked at Dobson and said, "I get it, I really do. You feel that the law itself is wrong, that you had some kind of 'right' to do as all the video shows that you did. You wish to argue that law, and why it should be repealed." Dobson was nodding.
"But", continued the Doctor, "We're not here for that. You have had, everyone has had, every opportunity to speak against our system, to write against our system, even to run for office so as to change our system. What you had no right to do was to simply violate our system. Yes, you found the law offensive. But it is a law that billions find to be liberating. We live in a world of total surveillance - and zero crime. No rapes. No murders. No thefts. Such few exceptions are cured at once, and new ones prevented by an ever increasing diagnostic skill at an ever decreasing age. We can catch any psychopathy by the age of two now, and cure it. In a generation, even your offenses will become a distant memory as advances continue. No one wants that interrupted. And if some few, like you, do want that, the rest of us do not care."
Professor Skoda leaned over to whisper in his client's ear. Dobson looked angry, but nodded. Dobson looked at the Doctor and said, "Fine. Railroad me, then."
The Doctor said, "Having advised you of your guilt, we now stand ready to hear from each side concerning how best to cure this situation. Professor McCoy?"
"Doctor, the People feel that Dobson's crime, and the likely repetitive nature of it - ", Jack started out, only to be interrupted by Professor Skoda saying, "Objection, we're only here for one crime." The Doctor said, "Overruled. This isn't the 21st century where we pretend that we don't know something that everyone already knows." Skoda looked inclined to argue, but the Doctor said, "Forget it. Appeal it later if you care to be able to bill him more to no point."
Already those in the press-jury were adjusting their goggs, blinking in the appropriate filters for their audience, as the Doctor had dispensed with the usual convoluted politely obsequious speech prevalent today and spoke roughly - even curtly! Jiminies whirred, press-jurors blinked in filters and audiences across the globe leaned forward in rapt attention to the most violently exciting trial in decades!
"We ask", said Jack picking up where he'd left off, "That Mr. Dobson be taken to the nearest Healing Center and there given neurosurgery sufficient to prevent any possible recurrence. Not only in emotions and inclinations, but in the cognitive abilities that he has perverted to - "
At this point, Dobson was up out of his wheelchair, screaming, and all the Jiminies flashing red blue red blue as he roared out, over and over, "You'll not take my mind, you'll not take my mind!" A woman press-juror started to get up, then fainted. Other press-jurors tried to catch her, but several fell over with her on top of them. Others, getting frantic reports from their own Jiminies were scrambling away from those on the floor, being warned about possible - and unheard of - physically violent contact!
The bailiff was at Dobson's side in a flash, and the hypospray pushed into his arm immediately dropped Dobson heavily back into the wheelchair. The bailiff wiped the sweat off his brow. 15 years on the job, and this was the first time he'd ever had to draw his hypospray. Some bailiffs went their whole careers without having to do that. He shivered a bit in reaction. His Jiminy, noting that, put in a request for an occupational therapist to go over this with him later. And a time off request.
No one should have to go through such alone!
The Doctor hit a chime on his desk with a velvet covered miniature hammerette. When that failed to get everyone's attention, he said in a tone of voice louder than normal, "Enough! Please take your seats!", but the volume of his voice, being what in the old days was called a "raised" voice, was enough to make several press-jurors shiver the more. One looked like he might vomit.
Order was finally restored by the unprecedented emergency use of Pacification Spray that, at the Doctor's press of a button under his desk, had a gentle mist of calmatives and euphorics bathe all those in the room. McCoy and Skoda, and the Doctor, each removed a hypopen from their briefcases and injected the antidote in themselves. They'd need to be clear headed for the rest of the proceedings. The press-jury could just enjoy the dose, it would not effect substantially their transmission of this to their audiences.
Audiences that were now making up a larger percentage of mankind then had watched the first moon landing way back in the 20th century! Audiences that would almost inevitably vote for the solution of the prosecutor.
*DUN, DUN*
Jack and Anita were talking in the hall outside the courtroom. Behind them, a thoroughly pacified and sedated Dobson was being wheeled to the Healing Center for the correction that Jack had advocated. Dobson's Prof had made a valiant case, that the IQ reduction was more punitive then corrective, and punitive was forbade by the Constitution, but Jack had countered with the argument that society could afford to take no chances when it came to such an evil genius as Dobson. What if he found a way to circumvent the Jiminies again? Who else might be insulted?
Anita said, "You don't look like a man who just won the Trial of the Century, as they're calling it. What's wrong?" McCoy said, "You know what's wrong. With the Blue Fairies, we didn't truly need to reduce his IQ. I argued it for effect, I expected the Doctor to dismiss that part of it." Anita shook her head. "Jack, you and I have been at this for a long time. Some people just don't like to play nice, and Dobson was one of them. Maybe it was a punishment, maybe it was preventative correction, I just know that I'll sleep better knowing that my little girl - who isn't so little - won't be teased into an eating disorder on the playground!"
"Thanks, Anita. I guess I just needed a bit of perspective!"
*fade out, roll credits, theme music*
*voiceover*
"In the social justice system, the people are represented by two separate but equally important groups. The Proctors who investigate ill manners and the District Professors who correct those who are rude. These are their stories."
*DUN, DUN*
The heavy-set woman exited the Starbucks, an orange mocha frappucino in one hand, a jelly donut in the other. She walked down the street, eating the donut and waiting for her coffee to cool down. A crowd of young people came out of a bar further up, and started walking towards her. They were laughing and not paying attention.
The heavy-set woman tried to walk to one side, but the group filled the width of the sidewalk. It looked like she might make it through, but at the last minute, one of the youths, an attractive girl of no more than 21, bumped into the heavy-set woman, causing the coffee to spill down the front of her blouse.
The laughter stopped at once, as did the heavy-set woman, and all eyes turned to the attractive young girl. The Jiminies all swirled about, forming a rough circle around both women, two feet above them. A frown flitted across the young woman's face, but was changed to a smile almost instantly. She said in a sweet voice, "I am sooo sorry! Totally my fault! Can I give you something for the dry cleaning?"
The heavy-set woman seemed somehow disconcerted, as if some tone had been detected that didn't seem quite as sincere as could have been hoped. Even a couple in the young woman's group looked at her sharply, as if wondering if she was really sorry.
The heavy-set woman said simply, "It's okay, it was an accident, thank you for the offer." And started to move on. But then as the group turned away, the young woman muttered to her friends, in a poor attempt at a stage whisper, "Thank heavens, that bill would have broke my budget!"
Instantly the young woman's Jiminy pulsed red blue, red blue, as did the Jiminies of two in the group who had started to chuckle, but stopped at the lights and sirens of their own Jiminies. Instantly the heavy-set woman's Jiminy and the remainder of the Jiminies also pulsed red blue, red blue, while each said in unison, "Remain in place, remain in place."
The young woman, named Madison, started to speak, but at once everyone shushed her. The heavy-set woman was quietly crying, and some of the young woman's friends were going up to her to give her pats on the back and murmured apologies.
Soon enough two men on electric bikes glided to a stop in front of the group, each wearing the blue kilt and blouse of the Proctors. Lenny, a 20 year veteran of the force looked through each person there, and you could almost see him figuring out the situation before he could get any official report.
Rey, his junior by some years, was at once cocking his head to the side, listening as his own Jiminy, who had been updated on arrival, privately related the incident and it's own evaluation to him. Open and shut, sounded like. Still, was anything ever open and shut in the city's elite Passive-Aggression Department?
By now, Lenny had also been briefed, and at Rey's inquiring look quipped, "Guess she should have had the vanilla skinny chai!"
*cue theme music*
Into the general hubbub that marked the usual sound level of New York City's Passive-Aggression Department walked Lenny and Rey. A phone rang in the background, no doubt one of the five or six calls a day that came in from those who didn't trust the judgment of their Jiminies, who had there been anything real to call in about, would have already summoned the Proctors.
Between them was Madison, looking nervous and scared as they escorted her to the Interview Room. Sitting her down, her first words were, "I know my rights, I want a Therapist!" Rey looked blank, but Lenny immediately gave a world-wise grin and said, "Ya hear that, Rey? Less than a minute and she already wants to Therapy Up! What, your conscience not being your guide? Because if it was, you'd hardly need emotional care, would you?"
Madison looked defiant. Lenny continued, "Look, lady, here's how this is going to go down. We got you cold on a flat out Personal Insult in the 2nd degree. And that's only as we haven't got the full diagnostics back from Central AI on why your own Jiminy didn't have you avoid her in the first place. If it shows it did warn you, then it's 1st degree!"
"Yeah", jumped in Rey. "For 1st degree, you got to register for your life, since Weightism is a hate crime. You try finding any fun occupation to while away your time after that, eh? Last person convicted, he had to spend the rest of his life living off of Basic Income, cuz no one let him participate in any personal or community growth project ever again!"
Lenny looked contemptuously at Madison. He sneered, "Maybe that's what she's looking for, Rey. An excuse to veg for the next 60 years, VRing her life away. Now look, honey, right now, we're your only two friends. You tell us how it went down, maybe we can put in a word for you with the Professors. They listen to us. But if you want to wait on your Therapist, we can write this up as how it looks, and let me tell you, it looks bad."
Madison glared a moment, then her shoulders drooped and it seemed the fight went out of her. She said, "My Jiminy never gave me any warning about our trajectories intersecting. And it doesn't seem like hers did either. As to the comment, I don't know why I made it."
Rey, filling the silence that fell, asked insinuatingly, "So maybe you and her had history, right? I mean, maybe she had took a position at a local charity that you had wanted one time, or maybe she had got away with some remark that to you sounded snippy, yeah? And here was an opportunity to get back a little, yeah? I mean, if that's how it went down, we can understand that. But you have to be straight with us."
"I didn't know her, okay?!", Madison suddenly yelled, as her up to now dormant Jiminy, programmed not to interfere within the confines of a Proctor's Station, went red blue, red blue, and Lenny and Rey's own Jiminies, programmed with a far greater latitude and indulgence of verbal abuse then the general public's were, flew up and back to make sure to have a good vid shot of the possible violence to come.
But Lenny and Rey were interrupted then by a sharp two knocks on the "mirror" behind them. They both got up. Lenny said, "Tell you what, we'll get you a Soothie, and you can think about what we said." And with that they exited to see what their Lieutenant had.
Their Lieutenant, Anita, was standing grimly next to Claire. Claire was a junior Professor, young and attractive, the way Professor McCoy always picked them. She said to Anita, "Personal Insult 1? But we do have the Central AI report back, and it says that Madison received no warning from her Jiminy. Nor did the victim's Jiminy give any warning. I think we're looking for a jammer, and if that's true, this city is going to be in an uproar!"
Lenny shook his head. He said, "Yeah, I get that, but I'm telling you, this woman isn't being truthful. She's holding something back. Like maybe she knows of whoever is jamming Jiminies. We need some time in there with her, before any Therapist comes in."
Claire, a stickler for procedure but mindful of the need to get leads on this case fast, said, "You've got some time, but in an hour, the temporary gag on her Jiminy will be lifted, that's out of my hands. And while her Jiminy won't know what you've said up till then, it will quick enough broadcast her vitals and the tenor of the room to Central AI. A Therapist will be dispatched within minutes. Can you work with that?"
"Sure, sure", said Lenny, already turning to re-enter the Interview Room. "Let's go, Rey. Before the Prof here changes her mind!"
Madison looked up. "My Therapist here yet?" Rey went over to the corner of the room behind her and to her right, while Lenny just gave a quick grimace and set a Soothie down in front of her. He set his own coffee down as he sat across from her. He motioned to her Soothie. "Never could get into those - never needed them. You think it's going to help your nerves? Tell you what, you share what's really going on, and I bet you'll never need another Soothie in your life."
She glared at him, picked up the calmative drink and drank deeply. A wash of pleasure seemed to hit her and her body relaxed. Unbeknownst to her, a euphoric and an amity enhancer were also present in her drink, added courtesy of Lenny. Not entirely kosher, but it'd wash out before any Therapist thought to do any med work up on her.
A glance at Rey, a slightly lifted eyebrow, and Rey picked up on the cue and gave his Good Proctor spiel. "Listen, you seem like a nice girl. Hard to believe you could be messing about with jamming Jiminies. But you need to help us. You want the bad old days back? You're too young to remember, but my granddad used to tell me all about it. People walking about, unattended, hitting and kicking and stealing from others. You even know what 'stealing' or 'kicking' is? 'Course not, nice girl like you. But you've been to the VRs. Sometimes, even life was lost."
Madison's eyes started to get moist, as her artificially enhanced empathy let her picture the Dark Ages of man's past, where anyone could do anything, so long as no one was watching, and lie about it later. Lenny took the set up now and said, "Okay, so you've got a conscience, maybe. But if you're really wanting to help us, sign this waiver of your rights so we can get going on this investigation."
A tear spilled down one cheek, and she nodded, and signed off on the papers that Lenny almost magically had appear in front of her. At once, an Interview Room Jiminy came out of it's cove and attached to the back of Madison's neck. Outside the Interview Room, Claire was shaking her head in wonder. "How do they do that so fast?" she asked Anita, who just chuckled and went back to her office.
Lenny waited a few seconds, to give the Interview Jiminy a chance to access all of Madison's bio-systems. Then he said, "Tell me what you know." Madison, well freed of any inhibitions to lie by the special Soothie and the direct stimulus of the Jiminy on her neck said, "His name is Michael Dobson, and he runs that Titillation Trap on W. 57th - " but at this, and to Rey's consternation, Lenny leapt up and was heading out the door.
*DUN, DUN*
Lenny glided to a stop in front of the Titillation Trap, a modest comedic club, with Rey only a few seconds behind him. They'd discussed it on the way over, including Michael Dobson's previous run in with the PA Department for suspected Jiminy jamming a couple of years ago. He'd been let off, then evidence suggestive of him having known the person who had ultimately been charged with the jamming had come to light.
But double jeopardy had attached, one of the few procedural safeguards to have been retained when the Ancient Bill of Rights of had been revamped in 2098. He could not be put on trial a second time for that offense. Though he was looking good to be put on trial for a new offense, Lenny and Rey thought.
He saw them come in at once. "Aww, c'mon, guys! All my jokes are approved, we run a clean club here, nothing to get a Jiminy chirping!" Yet they did have a reputation for heading right up to the line, as evidenced by a sassy and sexy woman on stage doing a Henny imitation, Henny Youngman being one of the few comedians to have survived the Cultural Revolution of the 2090s.
"Take my Jiminy - puh-lease!" she said, to a ba-dum ting by the drummer. "I take my Jiminy everywhere I go - as who doesn't? One time my Jiminy warned me that where I was going was trouble, and I said, 'oh good, I thought I was lost!'! But seriously, did you hear about the guy who turned his Jiminy off? Of course you didn't - because no one can turn their Jiminy off!"
Edgy stuff. But Central AI had long since determined that if there was no outlet here or there, then the pressure would reach breaking point and you'd have a spontaneous riot of rudeness. Hence such establishments. Hence the yearly Carnival, where animal meat could be ate, hard words spoke, feelings hurt, insults hurled. But only for that 24 hour period.
And still recorded for examination so future offenses could be predicted or past offenses revealed.
Still, for some, Carnival and the barely tolerated Titillation Traps weren't enough. Some roving underground clubs, inevitably called "Speakeasies", operated here and there now and then. They jammed Jiminies, let the folks have some laughs at the expense of various ethnic groups and authority figures, then let them claim a "malfunction".
Such were shut down by Vice routinely, but always popped back up.
Lenny already was waving Dobson to the exit door. "You need to come with us. Clear up a few things.", and Dobson went peaceably along. Everyone did, in an era where surveillance was universal and there was no where you could go that your Jiminy - or the Jiminies of others - would not report on your location.
*DUN, DUN*
Claire entered Professor McCoy's office, to find him dressed in jeans and a blue button down shirt. For reasons of his own personal quirks, Jack loved to dress as if he were some kind of workingman. Not that there were any such things as workingmen, outside of historical VRs, but the Mannekins who had replaced such all wore that, for reasons of tradition.
"Can I have a moment of your time, sir?", she deferentially asked, and he grinned and nodded, motioning to a seat near his desk. And failing to remove his feet from his own desk, he said, "Why so formal? Things can't be that bad, can they? I hear Lenny already picked up our old friend Dobson."
"He did", she said, "But it may go deeper than Dobson. I don't think this is just about some naughty jokes or even a bit of pratfall mischief. I think we might be facing a situation of an actual pre-Reform style crime." Jack took his feet off the desk and leaned forward. No grinning now. But no complete acceptance of what she said, either.
"Claire, I understand you're still relatively new, and want to see some grand incident unfold that you can be a part of stopping, but honestly, for any kind of real incident, like causing physical pain or depriving someone of property, that just cannot be any more. Even if someone like Dobson can jam some Jiminies in a given range, the very fact of the blank spot alerts Central AI at once. The classic example is the man who immediately after the Reform tried the first jammer, remember what happened?"
Claire nodded dutifully. "He could be spotted by the 6 meter in diameter circle of blankness that left his house, moved toward the jewelry store, then returned. But he was stupid - others might not be."
Jack nodded and said, "Glad you weren't asleep in the Intro to the Reform class! But the truth is, no matter how smart someone is, the Reform is infallible. Every bit of the nation is viewed by camera, and the Central AI can detect any kind of physical or financial harm. It can detect most emotional harm, too, but wisely our Reformers chose to leave the larger cases of emotional harm to human judgment, or we'd be out of work!"
"Now", Jack continued, "How could any jamming of the Jiminies let a person get away with say, a 'punch' in the nose? You know, like if you moved your hand very fast towards someone's face, and didn't stop. You ever see one?" Claire nodded, "I saw one in VR, it was terrible. It made blood appear. I threw up." "Ahh, yes", McCoy said, "I think I saw that one, and if it's the one I'm thinking of, that was a banned one! I had no idea you had such a misspent youth!" and he grinned again.
"But", Claire said, "Doesn't that prove my point? We do get away with banned movies, Titillation Traps, Speakeasies, and this Jamming. How? And where will someone like Dobson, or those behind him, take this?"
"Claire, the Reform leaves some room for wiggling. I shouldn't tell you this, but there are what we call 'Blue Fairies' that can't be jammed. They aren't even detectable, as they don't come on unless someone is jamming the Jiminies. Remember that case last year, the guy who actually slapped his wife?" "Yeah", Claire said, "He figured that a local jam within his house would leave it a 'he said/she said'."
"He should have known better", Jack said, "The Jiminies deliberately let a person get or build a jammer, just to learn who wants such, and who helps with such. So when he acted to engage it, that told the tale of who did what to whom. But the deeper secret, as many know of that obvious one, is that there are almost as many Blue Fairies as Jiminies. They're built into every home and office, every public place, and they lay dormant till they are cued to activate by the Jiminies going down. As soon as an area has no Jiminies active, the nearest Blue Fairies come on. So not only did we know that man slapped his wife by inference, we actually had a complete vid of it. Not that we told him."
"Then why don't we end all this stuff, all these deviations, all the random jammings? You know there were 32 jammings last year?", Claire asked. Jack said calmly, "Besides that it would put us out of a job? Claire, people are people, so Central AI, and our own office, let a bit of steam out now and then. It lets people get in some harmless venting, it lets us see who the potential trouble makers are, and it keeps us on our toes. All good things. We tried a clamp down once, in a test city, and it didn't end well."
"Baltimore!", breathed Claire heavily. "It was Baltimore, wasn't it?"
"Yes", said Jack. "And that rudeness riot took five teams of ER Therapists to get things back in order. So relax, Dobson and his backers are already known, all that's left is for how we'll pretend we knew who they were without giving away the existence of Blue Fairies."
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*DUN, DUN*
"Therrrr-aaaa-pisttttt! Therapist! I, want, my, Therapist!", chanted Dobson, in as annoying a tone as he could manage, which was much more so than most people, since Dobson had had more practice. Lenny looked over at the Lieutenant and said, "Just give me five minutes with him, Luey! Just five minutes, and I'll give him enough 'analysis' for a lifetime!"
Anita looked at him sardonically and said, "You best watch that mouth of yours, Lenny. You get away with a lot of quasi-atavistic behavior, but at some point, you're just going to be begging for a full diagnostic eval for yourself." Rey hearing this, chuckled and said, "That's long overdue!" earning him a smile from Anita and a look of "Et tu?" from Lenny.
"McCoy says this is already a wrap, but I need you two to go over his 'special data' and figure out a way to back trail it till it looks like you remember how to do real police work!", Anita said. Lenny rolled his eyes, but Rey nodded and looked eager. Lenny noticed this and raised an eyebrow.
Answering him, Rey said, "I've already been going over it with Claire, and we found 'inevitability' that will pass any Prof's review. They were good, they had most of the stuff made for other semi-legit things, but one element can only be for a jammer. They did their best to have it produced in Jiminy free nations, all two that are left, but the factory in the People's Democratic Socialist Republic of Puerto Rico that made the third sub-Discernment infractor had no jammers going, as the rolling black out their People's Government scheduled had them powerless for four hours!"
Lenny, looking disgusted at this type of pretense said, "So we play like we had our spy eyes on that, and then alerted, followed it all the way up the line to Dobson? He's going to know that was unlikely!" Anita just shook her head and said, "Given what's coming to him for his crimes, that'll be the least of his worries. And it's not like the System is going to let itself be played, no matter how much he squawks. And who's he to squawk? You know the press and public won't care."
*DUN, DUN*
The Doctor, presiding over Michael Dobson's preliminary hearing, was wearing the traditional white lab coat. McCoy still sported his denim jeans, but had put a tweed jacket over his blue chambray. It had patches on it. Which meant he was barely within the dress code of the Profs who argued cases.
Dobson was sitting in a wheelchair next to his Prof, not a Public Prof, but Emil Skoda, who Dobson had hired himself. This Prof was dressed like a 19th century Austrian gentlemen, vest and all, even a pocket watch, and displaying, of all things, a little goatee and mustache! Actual facial hair, like cavemen! McCoy had come up against him before, though, and knew that behind the fake Germanic accent was a keen therapeutic mind.
So keen that he'd once worked on Jack's side of the street, before being lured away by conscience, he said, but more command of economic resources that was available for aiding such types, others said. He wasted no time waiting for the Doctor to speak, but instead piped up with, "Your honor, ve must object to dis rushing to der judgment, my client is a man in need of help, not to this punitive course that der Professor McCoy has proposed to my ovvis!"
McCoy looked outraged, but was cut off in his sputtering retort by the Doctor saying, "The press-jury has not been impaneled yet, so you can cut the phony accent now, and keep it cut later! There'll be no theatrics in my court!" McCoy looked happy at this and started to speak, but the Doctor held up a hand to silence him. "McCoy, I know your arguments already, both sides briefs were exemplary. I'm not remanding him to a Care Facility of his choice, but nor am I releasing him. I note that both sides are ready, and we're moving to trial right now!"
Looking about the empty room, Jack nodded to himself. In this era of zero crime, where everyone knew that any crime would be caught, gone were the throngs of people that cluttered vast court buildings in previous centuries. Now we don't just have one court house for all of New York City, but are down to just one court room! His reveries were broken by the press-jury coming in.
Twelve men and women of the press, good organizations and true, to view and broadcast this trial to the masses. Left-wingers in favor of Punishment Bands that the Jiminies could self-activate without a human ruling, and Right-wingers in favor of re-classifying any speech not in keeping with Neo-Christianity as "hate speech". And every flavor in between, up, down and all around. Including, Jack noted ruefully, an old college roommate of his who'd been in an anti-Jiminy group in his youth!
"Objection, Doctor!", Jack called out. The Doctor looked up, and the press-juror from Jack's early days stepped forward with a smile, knowing Jack's likely objection. He waited till Jack made his explanation about knowing a juror, then faced the Doctor and said, "Doctor, my viewers have as much right to hear and participate in this as any. And no, we aren't trying to ban Jiminies, just perhaps a bit of slowing down in how much they get to control our lives!"
The Doctor said to Jack, "He stays." and turning to the man said, "But save the speeches. Sit down. Let's get going."
As was usual with all cases, the Doctor started by stating to Michael Dobson and Professor Skoda, "Do you understand that you are, in fact and in law, guilty, based upon the evidence already reviewed by the Central AI and myself, and that we are only here to determine the best methods of healing you?"
Skoda nodded affirmatively. Dobson started in with, "Not guilty, your honor!" and the bailiff moved towards him. The Doctor waved the bailiff off. The Doctor took off his glasses, and briefly pinched his nose. He looked at Dobson and said, "I get it, I really do. You feel that the law itself is wrong, that you had some kind of 'right' to do as all the video shows that you did. You wish to argue that law, and why it should be repealed." Dobson was nodding.
"But", continued the Doctor, "We're not here for that. You have had, everyone has had, every opportunity to speak against our system, to write against our system, even to run for office so as to change our system. What you had no right to do was to simply violate our system. Yes, you found the law offensive. But it is a law that billions find to be liberating. We live in a world of total surveillance - and zero crime. No rapes. No murders. No thefts. Such few exceptions are cured at once, and new ones prevented by an ever increasing diagnostic skill at an ever decreasing age. We can catch any psychopathy by the age of two now, and cure it. In a generation, even your offenses will become a distant memory as advances continue. No one wants that interrupted. And if some few, like you, do want that, the rest of us do not care."
Professor Skoda leaned over to whisper in his client's ear. Dobson looked angry, but nodded. Dobson looked at the Doctor and said, "Fine. Railroad me, then."
The Doctor said, "Having advised you of your guilt, we now stand ready to hear from each side concerning how best to cure this situation. Professor McCoy?"
"Doctor, the People feel that Dobson's crime, and the likely repetitive nature of it - ", Jack started out, only to be interrupted by Professor Skoda saying, "Objection, we're only here for one crime." The Doctor said, "Overruled. This isn't the 21st century where we pretend that we don't know something that everyone already knows." Skoda looked inclined to argue, but the Doctor said, "Forget it. Appeal it later if you care to be able to bill him more to no point."
Already those in the press-jury were adjusting their goggs, blinking in the appropriate filters for their audience, as the Doctor had dispensed with the usual convoluted politely obsequious speech prevalent today and spoke roughly - even curtly! Jiminies whirred, press-jurors blinked in filters and audiences across the globe leaned forward in rapt attention to the most violently exciting trial in decades!
"We ask", said Jack picking up where he'd left off, "That Mr. Dobson be taken to the nearest Healing Center and there given neurosurgery sufficient to prevent any possible recurrence. Not only in emotions and inclinations, but in the cognitive abilities that he has perverted to - "
At this point, Dobson was up out of his wheelchair, screaming, and all the Jiminies flashing red blue red blue as he roared out, over and over, "You'll not take my mind, you'll not take my mind!" A woman press-juror started to get up, then fainted. Other press-jurors tried to catch her, but several fell over with her on top of them. Others, getting frantic reports from their own Jiminies were scrambling away from those on the floor, being warned about possible - and unheard of - physically violent contact!
The bailiff was at Dobson's side in a flash, and the hypospray pushed into his arm immediately dropped Dobson heavily back into the wheelchair. The bailiff wiped the sweat off his brow. 15 years on the job, and this was the first time he'd ever had to draw his hypospray. Some bailiffs went their whole careers without having to do that. He shivered a bit in reaction. His Jiminy, noting that, put in a request for an occupational therapist to go over this with him later. And a time off request.
No one should have to go through such alone!
The Doctor hit a chime on his desk with a velvet covered miniature hammerette. When that failed to get everyone's attention, he said in a tone of voice louder than normal, "Enough! Please take your seats!", but the volume of his voice, being what in the old days was called a "raised" voice, was enough to make several press-jurors shiver the more. One looked like he might vomit.
Order was finally restored by the unprecedented emergency use of Pacification Spray that, at the Doctor's press of a button under his desk, had a gentle mist of calmatives and euphorics bathe all those in the room. McCoy and Skoda, and the Doctor, each removed a hypopen from their briefcases and injected the antidote in themselves. They'd need to be clear headed for the rest of the proceedings. The press-jury could just enjoy the dose, it would not effect substantially their transmission of this to their audiences.
Audiences that were now making up a larger percentage of mankind then had watched the first moon landing way back in the 20th century! Audiences that would almost inevitably vote for the solution of the prosecutor.
*DUN, DUN*
Jack and Anita were talking in the hall outside the courtroom. Behind them, a thoroughly pacified and sedated Dobson was being wheeled to the Healing Center for the correction that Jack had advocated. Dobson's Prof had made a valiant case, that the IQ reduction was more punitive then corrective, and punitive was forbade by the Constitution, but Jack had countered with the argument that society could afford to take no chances when it came to such an evil genius as Dobson. What if he found a way to circumvent the Jiminies again? Who else might be insulted?
Anita said, "You don't look like a man who just won the Trial of the Century, as they're calling it. What's wrong?" McCoy said, "You know what's wrong. With the Blue Fairies, we didn't truly need to reduce his IQ. I argued it for effect, I expected the Doctor to dismiss that part of it." Anita shook her head. "Jack, you and I have been at this for a long time. Some people just don't like to play nice, and Dobson was one of them. Maybe it was a punishment, maybe it was preventative correction, I just know that I'll sleep better knowing that my little girl - who isn't so little - won't be teased into an eating disorder on the playground!"
"Thanks, Anita. I guess I just needed a bit of perspective!"
*fade out, roll credits, theme music*
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