It's late afternoon, and you were heading home. And you were speeding, but not excessively so. 64 in a 55, as you knew, as did most, that they usually gave you till 10 above before they'd make a thing of it. But apparently "common knowledge" wasn't going to apply this time, as the red and blue lights were reflecting off your rearview mirror into your eyes, and the brief blare of the siren let you know to pull over.
You pull off onto the shoulder, and put your hazard lights on. You turn off your phone.
Ahhh, now he's coming. You roll your window down.
(If you are rich and white, go to the paragraph marked B)
(If you are just white, go to the paragraph marked C)
(If you are black, go to the paragraph marked D)
B) "Evening, sir, everything okay?", the police officer asked. "Yes", you answered, "Everything is fine, Officer. I am a bit of a hurry, though, sorry if I went too fast." The officer waved off the driver's license and papers that you tried to hand him. "It's okay, sir", he said, "I already ran your plate, we can see that all is in order. Just try and keep it safe, okay?" You nod gratefully and drive off.
The End
The End
C) "License and registration and proof of insurance, please", the police officer ordered. You hand him all that, and remain silent. Best to see where he wants to go with this. "You know why I pulled you over?" the officer asked. You half say, half ask, "I don't know, was I going too fast?" The officer says, "You were going 10 over the limit. Wait here, I'm going to write you a citation." You inwardly curse your luck, this is going to blow your monthly budget. Especially galling is that you know you had the cruise control set on nine over.
(Go to the paragraph marked E)
D) The officer shines his flashlight so near to your eyes that it may as well be in your eyes. "Keep your hands where I can see them. Are you armed?" You answer "no", while keeping your hands in the 10 and 2 position, as if your life depended on it. You're already sweating. You see another cop car pull up, it's lights on, it's spotlight aimed towards your car. Then a third. "I need to see your Driver's License, Registration and Proof of Insurance.", the officer says.
(If you reach towards your back pocket, or to your glove compartment box, go to the paragraph marked M)
(If you tell the officer your Driver's License is in your back pocket and your registration and insurance in the glove compartment go to the next paragraph marked G)
E) You're waiting in your car fuming. What's he doing back there, playing Solitaire? Finally he comes back, and gives you a ticket - $150! Man, when you were a kid it was only $50! Your wife is going to kill you! The officer says, "You signing is no admission of guilt, just to keep us from having to secure bond or keep your license. If you just want to pay, mail it to this address before this date, or you can pay online. If you want to contest it, be at the courthouse, this room, on this date, at this time." You thank him, and then curse inwardly, wondering what you're thanking him for. He tells you to drive safely, and goes back to his car.
(If you choose to just pay the ticket, go to the paragraph marked H)
(If you choose to fight the ticket, go to the paragraph marked F)
F) You show up on the appointed day. At 9am. There is a line of easily 100 people. It takes 45 minutes till it's your turn. They look you up. They ask if you're going to pay it. You say "No". They tell you that if that's the case, you must show up at such and so courtroom on a date three weeks later, at 8:30am in the morning. You advise them that it is costing you enough to take this day off, you can't afford to take another one off. They tell you that if you prefer you can just pay it, by mail or online, or at the clerk's office downstairs.
(If you choose to just pay it, go to the paragraph marked H)
(If you choose to still fight it, go the next paragraph marked J)
G) The officer pretends that you are the greatest threat since Osama Bin Laden, and puts you through your paces. Your every move is directed, as if you are a child. You are actively sweating, knowing that if you do this wrong, he could kill you, and it would only be his buddies who "investigated" whether he was correct in doing so.
Finally he had your License and paperwork in his hands, but then he asks you to step out of the car. Other officers are milling about your car, shining flashlights in, and each with their hand on the handle of their guns. You get out. They pat you down. You "fit the description". They find nothing. They ask if you mind them searching, you say you do mind, they search anyway - exigent circumstances.
They grill you on everywhere you were that night, and no answer seems to satisfy them. If at any point you give them less respect than an Emperor would expect from the bastard son of a slave, you'll be menaced, threatened and repeatedly asked if you're looking for trouble. In the end, you're told to get back in the car.
Finally he had your License and paperwork in his hands, but then he asks you to step out of the car. Other officers are milling about your car, shining flashlights in, and each with their hand on the handle of their guns. You get out. They pat you down. You "fit the description". They find nothing. They ask if you mind them searching, you say you do mind, they search anyway - exigent circumstances.
They grill you on everywhere you were that night, and no answer seems to satisfy them. If at any point you give them less respect than an Emperor would expect from the bastard son of a slave, you'll be menaced, threatened and repeatedly asked if you're looking for trouble. In the end, you're told to get back in the car.
(If you get back in the car meekly, like a little wuss, go to the paragraph marked E)
(If you speak back to them over this inexcusable conduct because you're actually a man, then go to the paragraph marked M)
H) You pay the ticket. Given that you earn $10 an hour at Walmart, and take home $8 of that, the $150 represents close to a week's pay for you. Because Walmart, like most other places, only gives you 20 hours a week, not wishing to have anyone at 30 hours or above, so as to avoid having to give Federally mandated benefits to "full time" workers. Losing a week's pay means that you won't be able to pay the utility bills in a timely fashion. And if you even tried to fight this a little, it cost you a lost day or two from work, minimum.
(If you choose to go to a Title Loan company, go to the paragraph marked I)
(If you choose to borrow from your Brother-in-law, go to the paragraph marked K)
I) You go to the Title Loan company, where if you went there to just pay your ticket immediately means that the ticket will cost you $150 plus $50 in interest. $200 represents 25 hours of your life. If you went to court that first day to fight it, but then decided to just pay it, then the ticket cost you more. $200 for the Title Loan, plus the eight hours pay you lost. $264, or 33 hours of your life. If you chose to fight it, went their the first day, then the second, then realized that you had to just pay it, then you lost even more. $200 for the Title Loan, and $128 for that lost two days. Or 41 hours of your life.
You realize, as you eat Top Ramen that night - plain, as you ran out of onions - that if a man earning $75,000 per year had got that ticket, he would have, at around $30 an hour take home, have only spent 5 hours of his life paying that ticket off. A guy making a quarter of a million a year? Only an hour and a half of his life would he lose. But you have to lose 25 to 41 hours of your life.
Your wife comes home and you share with her your findings. But she doesn't give a crap about the wealthier getting a great deal. Or you getting a raw one. She's too busy being upset over what this will do to the grocery budget, that being the only part of the budget that can be cut with relative impunity.
You make a note to go see one of the churches or charities about a food basket tomorrow.
The End
You realize, as you eat Top Ramen that night - plain, as you ran out of onions - that if a man earning $75,000 per year had got that ticket, he would have, at around $30 an hour take home, have only spent 5 hours of his life paying that ticket off. A guy making a quarter of a million a year? Only an hour and a half of his life would he lose. But you have to lose 25 to 41 hours of your life.
Your wife comes home and you share with her your findings. But she doesn't give a crap about the wealthier getting a great deal. Or you getting a raw one. She's too busy being upset over what this will do to the grocery budget, that being the only part of the budget that can be cut with relative impunity.
You make a note to go see one of the churches or charities about a food basket tomorrow.
The End
J) You get there on the appointed day. You've now lost 16 hours of pay, if you count the last day you had to take off, and now this day. That's $128 that you're out now, you could have as easily paid $22 more and not had your boss telling you that you'll be fired the very next time anything goes wrong at all ever. You wait in line for another 45 minutes. Then they look you up. "Oh, wait", they say. "The officer wasn't able to get scheduled for court today." You look grim. "What's that to me? I'm ready!", you say like you're a citizen with rights. The third junior assistant clerk, who is standing in relation to you as God Almighty does to the littlest dust mote in the Universe, looks at you amusedly and says, "A continuance was asked for, and granted. The new date is a week from now." You sputter that you weren't told of this, and are assured that it was only asked for yesterday, and your notice is no doubt in the mail.
(If you're up for losing another day's pay - and your job - oh, wait, of course you're not. Golly, almost as if the State knew that some how. Go to the paragraph marked I to learn how to pay off your ticket, and to make up the deficit of losing two days work.)
K) Your Brother-in-law shakes his head dolefully. "How many times you gonna need to be bailed out? If you weren't married to my sister, how would you get through life? How many times we gonna have this conversation?" He's referencing how one time, seven years ago, you borrowed $20 in gas so you could start work at Walmart when they, beyond your wildest dreams, said "Yes". You paid him back, but not till three weeks had gone by, you had to wait for that first check of the first pay period, and he's never let you forget how long you made him wait.
(If you choose to keep swallowing his crap, go to the paragraph marked L)
(If you choose to tell him to screw off, go the paragraph marked I)
L) After swallowing his crap for another 20 minutes, he tells you that he sure wishes he could, for his sister's sake, but his money is tied up in a new investment, so he can't spot you right now, and anyway, this should help you learn a bit of responsibility.
(Go to the paragraph marked I)
M) You having "fit the description" of a suspect wanted in connection with a unsolved murder, and it being of paramount importance that the officer "get home safely", he drew and opened fire on you when you reached for what he and four other officers would later swear looked like a gun. While this was fresh in the headlines, the Police Chief vowed that this would be "fully investigated".
Six months later, in the D section of the local newspaper, it was mentioned that the investigation had determined the officers acted according to procedure. The DA never convened a Grand Jury, thus no indictment was handed down, thus no arrests were ever made.
Your wife tried to file a civil suit, but since no local attorney wanted to look anti-Law Enforcement, and she was unable to afford the $350 pro se filing fee, and since the courts did not advise her that she could file for free if she asked for paperwork called "in pauperis formis", she thus had no recourse but to endure the loss of her husband - and his income - and raise their kids alone as best she could.
The End
M) You having "fit the description" of a suspect wanted in connection with a unsolved murder, and it being of paramount importance that the officer "get home safely", he drew and opened fire on you when you reached for what he and four other officers would later swear looked like a gun. While this was fresh in the headlines, the Police Chief vowed that this would be "fully investigated".
Six months later, in the D section of the local newspaper, it was mentioned that the investigation had determined the officers acted according to procedure. The DA never convened a Grand Jury, thus no indictment was handed down, thus no arrests were ever made.
Your wife tried to file a civil suit, but since no local attorney wanted to look anti-Law Enforcement, and she was unable to afford the $350 pro se filing fee, and since the courts did not advise her that she could file for free if she asked for paperwork called "in pauperis formis", she thus had no recourse but to endure the loss of her husband - and his income - and raise their kids alone as best she could.
The End
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