Sometimes 15 feels like I'm old enough for anything, but today it does not. It's certain, and in 7 months, my whole life would be forever different. Would be, but for the choice everyone is so sure I should make! I wish I could be as sure!
98%. That's what Ms. Harlow told us in Health class. "If properly worn". I wonder, was it worn wrong? Or right, and we're just in the two out of a hundred that must endure this? How many others get hit with this? Where you do the right thing, or try to, and then it goes so wrong?
My parents. God love them, I know they love me, but why are they so sure I should get rid of it? I guess they don't think I'm ready to parent, but what does that say about how they think of my maturity? Or am I judging them too harshly? My possible future in-laws don't seem to have too much faith in me. Yet they still want me to try and believe "it's a child not a choice" as they keep saying.
Marriage. Is that even an option? I've wanted it to be. Or told myself I wanted it to be. But that takes the agreement of both. How embarrassing, to want that, or say you want it, and to not have it come to be! The ultimate in rejection, and the worse when it's such a wishy-washy not-quite rejection of "that's a lot to think about"!
I don't deserve to be treated like that! The "I love yous" were exchanged before that night. That night would not have happened if they had not! But as soon as this happened, then it was "I love you, but we have to think this through carefully" or "I love you, but rushing never made a couple happy", and anything else, so long as the word "but" came immediately after the "I love you"!
If an "I love you" was even gave any more. It's not like it was said back as much as before. No denial of marriage, not technically. But what was the old saying from the 21st century Civic's vids? "Justice delayed is justice denied"? Marriage delayed is the same as denied. And why shouldn't we marry? Was our child really supposed to be raised with an absentee dad, monthly support payments, and then the slew of disadvantages that every single parent child suffered, no matter how well-intentioned everyone tried to be?
If we're not going to be responsible for this child together, then it would be better for me not to be responsible for it at all! And it is my choice! I won't be undertaking such an enormous responsibility! Not without the safety of marriage! An 18 year commitment to another human being? All the sacrifices that involved? The skimping, the savings, the terribly tightened budget? All factors when you had a child, but weren't married!
It's unfair for this to be asked of me! I'm only 15, still a kid, as much as I love to think I'm all mature and an adult already! I'm not ready for 18 years of indentured servitude, and that's what becoming a parent would mean! I'll tell my mom and dad now. They'll be relieved. There's no one else I need to tell - no one who's committed to me, like I needed. Need.
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Jeez, I've drooled on myself! Dad knows that any car ride makes me sleepy, but he doesn't seem to have noticed. And mom in back is being as quiet as ever. What time is it? Are we almost there yet? 9:33am. Two hours since we left, and still not there. But there'd been a news segment on that a few weeks ago, how various states used licensing requirements, regulatory oversight and various permit processes to make it increasingly difficult to have these places.
I see the signs. Like all the news clips I've ever seen. How do they have time to always be protesting? There's the inevitable "It's a child not a choice" sign - is this where I'm supposed to slap my hand to my head and say, "Golly, they're right, guess I'll put my life on hold for 18 years!"? Is this where I'm supposed to tell my folks to take me home? If only marriage had been an option! I can't understand how I can be good enough to raise a child, but not good enough to marry!
The fault was partly on my theoretical almost in-laws. Telling their spoiled kid that having a baby while "waiting" on marriage was sensible! Oh, and they'd "help"! Yeah. Uh huh. "Help" would have been having us married, so it'd be barely possible to provide appropriately for our child!
Here's the escorts - orange vests and all. A man and a woman. I think I can get to the center myself, but sure, guess it's just as well they're keeping the crowd away from me and my mom. I kind of wish my dad was here, hope he gets in okay after he parks the car. The protesters, they seem so angry. Few of them are of my gender. Of course. And can any of them know what I'm going through, and still be here waving a sign? Hardly.
Good to be inside. That was a bit more nerve wracking then I'd have guessed. Looks like any regular waiting room in here, though. But still a tension in the atmosphere. I can hear the muted roar of the protesters outside. And soft music playing. And the murmur of my mother speaking with the receptionist. It's hard to believe that this is happening. That I'm old enough to even need this. And that I was put in this position in the first place.
Waiting here between my mom and dad is not all that great. Glad I had the distraction of the forms to fill out. Now, can I get up and give the clipboard to the receptionist and return to my seat without my mom or dad catching my eye to give me yet another nod of support? I know they mean well, but they're acting like this is some kind of war I'm about to be going to! It's making me jittery!
Oh, here we go! That guy who stuck his head out the door from the back area called me! Here I go! Don't look back at mom and dad! Just go over there and give this guy the clipboard! "We're here for you, dear!", oh, great, mom couldn't resist. Okay, fine, I can spare a hug, she's going to think I need that, but I know I'm doing it for her. And yes, dad, I see you seeing me hug mom! I know you care, too!
Finally, that's over, and I can rest in this small room in back, waiting on the professional. I'm still jittery. Everyone talks about this, but no one talks about the details of the procedure. No regular people anyway. You hear the horror stories of various things that go wrong, but nothing that sounds credible. But that I'd not have to worry about marriage or raising a kid when this was done, that everyone knew for sure.
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"I'm going to have you watch a brief video.", said the man who waltzed right in a bare millisecond after a quick two raps on the door! And before I could respond, there he was hitting "play" and excusing himself with a rote, "It's the law, we'll get down to it after you've seen this." I resent that I have to watch this! Not like it will change my mind!
"Fatherhood!", the narrator's voice said at once, a warm contralto from an as yet unseen woman, who sounded as happy and cheerful as any woman I could imagine hearing. "It's not just a profession, it's a calling, and one that should not be turned down lightly! While yes, our courts have granted that it should be as much a choice for men as motherhood is for women, it's a choice that too often gets made lightly, quickly, and with little thought to the future consequences!"
As the woman droned on, beautiful scenes of fathers and sons were playing on the screen. Baseball games, helping with homework, playing catch, taking a son to work, the son doing yard work...soon then it morphed into taking daughters to work, helping the daughters with homework, and reading to their daughters.
"...and the cost is not so much. 20% per month can sound high, but the rewards are wonderful! Input into the child's education, what religion - if any - they'll be raised in, visitation, all this comes at a pittance compared to denying yourself what will later be regarded as your true source of pleasure! And consider, too, the sad fact of how many sons and daughters are hitting adulthood unprepared and unready for jobs or college or a family of their own! This is your opportunity to break the cycle today - or if you were blessed with a dad, to see to it that the cycle remains unbroken!"
Okay, fair enough, that part does make me feel uncomfortable, but I asked her to marry me! She turned me down! As my mother put it, "She's a fifth-digger! She only wants a part of you - the paying part!" But thank heavens, the video was ending now, and the man bustled back in. "There, that's done! Just a formality! Now, we'll start!"
With that he brought out a variety of forms. One was an acknowledgment that the Educational Video had been watched, understood and that any questions I had were answered fully and completely. Does he really have to read that out loud? What, I can't even read now?
And here were the papers on what I was signing away. Like giving a child up for adoption, I'd not have my name on the child, nor have any further say in any aspect of the child's life. My medical records, with my name and address redacted would be available to the child upon the 18th year, but nothing else. Okay, fine. I can initial everywhere I'm told to, and sign at the bottom - finally! The man took out a notary seal and gravely impressed it on the papers. Then on the second set. Two originals.
He's giving one to me, I better enjoy holding it while I can, I'm sure my dad will want it for his safe. I see this man has kept the other original in front of him. Another knock on the door...oh, mom and dad. I should have known they'd not stay waiting forever! It looks like this guy wanted them back here, though, he's having them sit down. And what's with the cameras now? What does this guy need to record now?
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"Almost done. But the paperwork is preliminary. As an officer of the court, I must swear you in for the record. Do you swear or affirm that the testimony you are about to give today is true to the best of your knowledge?" and at seeing me nod, he said, "Great!"
Now he's playing with all manner of paperwork. My parents are looking grave. Is this the part they don't like to talk about? I wish they'd just get on with it!
"When you slept with your girlfriend, had you already entered into a state of marriage, or signed any contract for cohabitation, or contracted to have a child, or otherwise designated that your sperm was a gift meant for more than recreation?"
That's easy enough, and the whole problem, she wouldn't ever agree to marry me! "No, sir, it was never for anything more than recreation."
The man nodded his head and said, "Do you understand that the cost of her getting an abortion - should she choose not to be a mother - is, as of this morning, Standard Market Pricing Index, $4,975? And that half of such cost will have to be paid by you?"
$4,975! That's almost two weeks wages! How in the world am I going to - oh, here we go! Dad reaching into his suit jacket pocket, I know what that means! Oh, crap, my eyes are tearing up, and there's mom with the handkerchief before I can turn away! Dad's got this covered, he must have had the check wrote before we left!
"You're blessed, young man.", as if I did not know that! What else will he tell me that's obvious? "I need you to say you understand the cost and that you're liable for half, please. If it was an accident, then it's equally on each of you." That makes sense. "Yes, sir, I understand.", hopefully saying it to the camera was the right thing to do - or should I have said it while looking at his face? He doesn't seem to have minded. Oh, let this end!
"Even up to the mid-20th century, a man could compel a woman to have a child against her will. Then, even till the mid-21st century, a woman could compel a man to be a father against his will. Now, since John Doe, et al versus Wade County Child Support Enforcement Division - or Doe v. Wade as it's usually referred to - no one can compel anyone to be a parent against their will, unless they previously entered into a legally binding agreement to have children. It is the judgment of this court that you did not enter into such an agreement, and thus the use of your sperm for the creation of a child was 'theft of services', and for her to continue to carry this child is a violation of your 13th amendment right to not be indentured or enslaved when you have committed no crime. This ex parte order affirming that you are not a parent, nor will be with her, is only temporary, she will have opportunity on - let's say the 22nd, or 18 days from now - to contest this, and if she fails to, the order will then be permanent. Do you understand?"
Hard to take in all he's saying. "Uh, yes, sir...but I'm sorry, sir, you aren't going to arrest her, are you? And what if she still doesn't want an abortion, who pays for the child then?"
Mom's starting to cry now, partly just over the pent up emotions of this, but I think she also has that look where she's proud of what I said. Yeah, and there's dad looking proud and trying to choke back a tear. I do have good parents. Whatever else happens, I know I can count on them. "It's a good question, and does your son credit", ahh, that got my parents beaming even more, though mom is openly crying now. And dad is having to comfort her. Wish this was over.
"Young man, this kind of thing is regarded as a civil matter, so there will be no arrest. If she were to try to push it, and somehow make you pay her more than half the cost of an abortion, like if she wanted what used to be called 'child support', she could be charged with theft. If she somehow managed to steal your money. As to her desire to have or not have an abortion, I can't say, but in general, most women who do not have a contracted father, or a man willing to be one, will not go ahead with the pregnancy. If she desires to carry the child to term, she will have to show cause on the upcoming court date that she can provide adequately for the child, or that a reputable adoption agency is willing to accept it for placement. If she cannot so show, then the child will be taken from her and placed for adoption as soon as it's born. Does that make it easier?"
Answer quick, like I am the adult they are trying to treat me as! "Yes, sir, I understand. I just wanted to make sure everyone would be okay."
"They will be, young man. Now if you'll excuse me, you and your parents can stay here as long as you need to get your equilibrium, then you may settle at the front desk. And there'll be escorts to get you safely back to your car. Thank you."
"You're welcome - I mean, no, thank you!" I flubbed that one! Why'd he thank me, it was he who helped me? Adults and their ceremonies. Well, this was done then. I've no child any more, and won't with her. I wonder if she'll be surprised? I bet she'll wish that she'd married me now! Now how many hugs will I have to endure from mom and pats on the back from dad before we can get out of here and get home?
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